


When you can't sleep at night

by Writerofthelorde



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Artist Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes cries, Cheesy, Cute, Demisexual Bucky Barnes, Drama, First Kiss, Fluf, Fluff, Gay Steve Rogers, Happy Ending, High School AU, Hurt Steve Rogers, I can't think of anything else, M/M, Minor other couples, Mutual Pining, No worries, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy is Steve's sister, Peggy likes to pretend she's British, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Really cheesy shit, Sexual Content, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Jokes, Spin the Bottle, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers cries, Stucky - Freeform, a lot of drama, also so much drama, bad language, could be a mordern AU could be a 1940s AU, cursing, finished work, for like two paragraphs, gay couples, man tears, see it however you wanna see it, terrible gay jokes, they're so bad oh my god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-19 07:50:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7352341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writerofthelorde/pseuds/Writerofthelorde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(pre-serum) Steve is suffering from depression and internalised homophobia and especially the fear of not being accepted by others. He kind of completely looses it in chapter one, and then Bucky has to take care of Steve. A lot of pining. A lot of frustration. Things happen. Or rather, /almost/ happen..</p><p>Rated teen and up because of slight sexual content in like chapter 13. It's two paragraphs it's nothing. Sorry to disappoint.</p><p>Also trigger warnings; usage of the F word (for non-straight people) and also a lot of the other F word, and pretty detailed explanations of violence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy and just so you know; comments absolutely make my day <3

Steve Rogers seemed to be an ordinary teenager, with an ordinary life. No one knew how horrible it really was. The bullies, the loneliness, the hate from his family, the fakeness of his friends, the fighting of his parents, how tiny and skinny he was and how that always made him sick, and the list goes on and on. 

Steve Rogers wasn’t happy, but no one seemed to notice. His best friend did though, but he thought it would be better to just leave him alone. _Bucky Barnes_ thought it would be better to just leave him alone. Little did Bucky know Steve needed someone around. Little did Bucky know Steve needed _him_ to be around. 

A while ago something had come up in Steve’s mind. Steve had gotten these weird tingles and jitters in his stomach, when his best friend had come close to him, just like he had many times. Though this time it was a little different. They had been talking about relationships and they were joking about them being together. Bucky had come close to him and said “You like me, don’t you?” in a seductive way. At that moment Steve felt those weird feelings. He didn’t understand them at first and had trouble finding out. When he finally understood, he went crazy, knowing that he wouldn’t be accepted. And he was right. 

A deep sigh left Steve’s mouth when he was lying on the ground, slowly falling asleep.


	2. This is the first actual chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama.. so much drama. Steve just needs a break and a good night sleep okay.

The next morning Steve woke up being shaken by someone. He opened his eyes and saw Dugan, a friend. “What he hell Steve, what are you doing on the street?” Steve sighed and sat up. _Every inch in his body hurt._ He sighed again. “Nothing.” 

“Nothing? Seriously? Dude, you were sleeping on the fucking ground!” Steve sighed, again. “It’s not like I didn’t know that already!” Dugan sighed as well. “Okay fine, don’t explain it..!” Dugan sounded angry, but really he was just worried and a little frustrated. 

Dugan walked away, but stopped when he noticed Steve wasn’t following him. “You coming, Steve?” He asked with a normal voice again. Steve looked up and walked over to him. They walked to school without saying a word. They went to their lockers and said goodbye. “Bye” “See you at lunch” Dugan smiled, but Steve had his head down and was shuffling away. “Steve?” Dugan started before walking to his first class. “Cheer up, will you?” Steve smiled a tiny bit and nodded, before quickly turning around and walking away. Dugan sighed. _Something was definitely wrong._

His first two classes went alright. He just sat alone, staring in the distance. After those two, Steve went to his third class and sat down at his table. He lay his head down on it and closed his eyes. He felt a hand on his head, ruffling his hair a little, and looked to his side. He smiled seeing his best friend. “Hey Steve, been up all night whacking off?” Steve _laughed_. “Yeah, totally!” He chuckled, but blushed furiously. 

The class got called for attention and their conversation stopped. “Turn to page 58 and make all the assignments, if you’re having trouble, I’ll be at my desk.” And with that the man sat down and everybody went to open their books. Steve lay his head down again, sighing deeply when pain shot throughout his back. He got up a little, but let his head fall again when another pain shot went through him. 

“What’s wrong, Steve?” Bucky asked getting a little worried. “Oh it’s nothing.” Bucky cocked an eyebrow, not that Steve could see. “Nothing huh?” Bucky asked putting down his pencil and looking at his best friend. Steve knew Bucky was looking at him, so he turned his head and looked up at him. “Just didn’t sleep well.” He answered, while looking away from his best friend’s disbelieving eyes. 

Bucky’s hand moved towards Steve’s face, but he pulled it back and sighed. “If you say so.” Steve smiled a little and muttered a “thanks” to his best friend. Bucky looked back at him and smiled sadly. After a few moments of eye contact both boys looked away. Bucky went on pretending to work, and Steve went on daydreaming with his head on the table. He got more and more down as he thought of yesterday’s conversation with his parents. He sighed as tears tried to slip out of his eyes.

“Fucking faggot!” The teacher suddenly yelled angrily at his computer. _That was it._ That was the overflowing drop. Steve stood up and walked to the door. “Rogers, what are you doing? Sit down.” The teacher said, still angry. Steve opened the door and threw his head against the edge, harder than he had intended, but then again he didn’t really care anymore. 

People gasped as they saw a small trail of blood seep down his face. Bucky stood up and wanted to walk over to him, but the teacher told him to sit down again. He sighed heavily. 

“1 minute.” Steve asked, breathing in deeply to push out a “Please.” “Okay. But no longer.” He walked into the hallway and threw the door closed behind himself. Steve put his iPod on ‘She Falls Asleep’ and started to cry. 

It might sound weak, but Steve was going through a rough time. _Steve didn’t understand himself._ He didn’t understand his own feelings. Feelings for his friend, his best friend, his guy friend… _Bucky_. Everybody had left him, except for Bucky himself, because Bucky didn’t know. Nobody knew, for as far as Steve knew. He hadn’t told anyone. But people somehow noticed he had feelings for another man. People had called him faggot before he even understood his own feelings. Now he knew. 

Yesterday he had told his parents. They screamed at him and yelled at him and even disowned him. He got kicked out of the house. They didn’t even let him get his stuff. His dad just pushing him out of the house, closed the door and locked it. Steve had been crying in front of the door for hours. Not that they noticed, because they had turned up the TV’s volume. The only thing he needed to do to be allowed to get back in was ‘straighten up’.But Steve knew he couldn’t. He knew that now. But Steve also knew he could never have Bucky. He had realised that all the nights before that day, because he couldn’t sleep. All he could do was think about his feelings and how he wouldn’t be accepted by his friends and family. Also how he wouldn’t be accepted by Bucky and how he would loose his most important friend.

That’s why he listened to the song. The song somehow relaxed him. The lyrics made perfect sense and he was too sleep deprived to pull himself together.

“She falls asleep and all she thinks about is you.” He softly sang. “So true.” He whispered to himself. His crying increased, and he started to sob quite loudly. He turned around and threw his head against the wall. He kicked the wall, over and over again, loosing himself in his anxiety and sleep deprivation. 

The blood of his toes seeped through the thin piece of fabric of his shoe. He threw his arms against the wall as well, keeping in a scream that was begging to come out. He started crying harder and harder. The teacher of the room next door opened the door and looked around. _He didn’t see him._

The song started for the third time and he went totally crazy. He scrubbed his arms against the rough wall, opening them up even more. He sobbed loudly and kicked the wall _again and again_. He threw his whole body against it, as hard as he could. The song got more depressing and he freaked out even more. He turned around and ran to the other side of the hallway, smashing his body into the other wall. He screamed as hard as he could. _He couldn’t take it anymore._ Steve took one of the paintings off its hanger and smashed it against the wall. When there were no painting left he smashed his back against the wall as well and slid down. Glass went right through his pants and into his flesh, but he didn’t care. 

There he was, covered in blood and glass, nails stuck in his chest at the place of his heart, crying, in front of the whole school. Everything seemed to be paused. Shocked and frozen faces everywhere, and suddenly someone pressed play.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of this is just really dramatic. Lots of man tears. It'll get better though, promise!

Bucky ran over to him. “Steve! Steve!” He screamed. He put a hand on his face. Bucky’s eyes started to sting, from the tears that were forming inside of them. Bucky knelt down and took Steve in his arms. “What the fuck are you looking at?!” He screamed angrily.He walked through the hallway and down the stairs. People were staring at them, but Bucky ignored them. _Steve_ is more important. He walked outside and over to his parent’s car. He gently put Steve in the passenger seat and buckled him up. He was so glad he had been allowed to borrow his parent’s car today.

He softly hit his face and shook him. “Steve, wake up. You can’t sleep right now.” Bucky told him. When Steve didn’t move or reply he took Steve’s face in both of his hands and shook him a little harder. “Steve.” He said, trying to wake him up. After a few seconds Steve’s eyes opened. He stared glassily at Bucky. “Bucky?” He questioned. “You have to stay awake.” Bucky told him before closing the door and getting into the driver’s seat, driving away as soon as possible. 

Steve groaned softly as he fully got back to consciousness. He looked around and then stared at Bucky for a while. “I think you have a concussion, so try to stay awake, okay?” Bucky asked softly. Steve nodded and looked ahead again. “How are you?” Bucky asked softly as he saw Steve was staring out of the window, deep in thought. Steve croaked out an “ _okay_ ” and looked out of the window next to him, avoiding eye contact with Bucky. 

Bucky sighed. Every time Bucky asked how Steve was doing, he would say ‘okay’ but Bucky knew that wasn’t true. “You’re not as ‘okay’ as you always claim to be, are you?” Bucky asked with yet another sigh. Steve looked at him through the corner of his eyes. Their eyes locked. Steve didn’t have to answer, Bucky already knew. Bucky had to look at the road again. He had to hold himself back not to grasp Steve’s hand or his knee, or anything. It was silent for a long time.

“Where are we going?” Steve asked eventually. “Hospital.” Bucky answered. “Buck, I’m fine. We don’t have to go there…” Steve started to protest. _Steve hates hospitals._ “Yes you do. You’re bleeding heavily, your head is cut open, your arms are scratched, your toes are bleeding, you probably can’t walk properly because of it and you lost consciousness right after you hit your head, so you probably have a concussion.” Bucky said back, making it clear there was no other way. Steve sighed. He slouched back in his seat and stared out of the window. 

Slowly his vision got blurry, as he lost consciousness, again. 

“Steve, please tell me, what’s going on?” Bucky asked after another long silence. Steve didn’t reply. “Steve… Please.” He pleaded. Little did Bucky know Steve had lost consciousness, again. “Steve please…” Bucky took a deep breath. “I love you man…Just… Please. Tell me.” He begged. When Steve didn’t even reply to that, Bucky started to panic. “Steve?” No answer. “B-baby?” No answer. 

They only called each other baby to tease each other, and if things would have been alright, Steve would have definitely replied to that. Bucky cursed to himself, unable to look to the side and check of Steve properly, and drove to the nearest hospital as fast as he could. Ignoring all the signs and the traffic lights almost got him into an accident, but he didn’t care. As soon as he was there, he parked in the middle of the street and raced over to Steve’s side, to get him out. He ran inside and screamed for help. Nurses Came over and took Steve from Bucky’s arms. 

Bucky didn’t want to let go, but he knew he had to. Bucky felt like he was letting go of his best friend forever. Of his… of his _love_. Bucky sat in the waiting room. He was freaking out, not knowing what he should do, what he _could_ do. 

He pulled on fists full of his hair as hard as he could as he passed around the room. “Oh god… What if… What if his paren- What if he di- What if someon- W-what if he…” Bucky felt himself getting weak as the last thought popped up in his head. “What if he’ll never wake up…?” He whispered to himself. He fell back in his chair and started to cry. _Bucky never cried; he always kept it inside. He had to be strong he couldn’t show anyone he was too weak to keep himself together_. But this was the time. This was the time to let go off that self destroying way of living, and allowed himself to cry.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is drama involving Bucky this time. He curses. I can't even take this fic serious sorry

A nurse walked over to him. “Bucky?” She asked. Bucky quickly looked up. “Mr. Steven Rogers is asking for you.” Bucky smiled and stood up. “Where is he? Is he alright? Is he stable?” He quickly asked. The nurse looked him up and down and muttered something sounding like “faggot” but Bucky didn’t really hear it. Not that he cared. He just wanted to see Steve. 

The nurse led him to Steve’s room and disappeared. Bucky opened the door and smiled inside. “Bucky.” Steve said, half smiling. Steve wasn’t actually happy; he only smiled to make Bucky happy. Bucky knew though. He raced over to his side, about to fall in his arms, but he stopped himself. He looked into Steve’s eyes, smiling sadly. He slowly sat down, never loosing eye contact. 

Bucky sighed, making Steve look away. He knew what was coming. “Why did you do this..?” Bucky slowly asked, with yet another sigh. Steve sighed too, trying to hold his tears back. He closed his eyes, not saying anything. “Steve…” Bucky tried again. Steve only shook his head, keeping his eyes closed, too afraid to let a tear go. “Please…” Bucky pleaded. 

Steve turned his head, facing Bucky again. He opened his teary eyes, staring at him. He took in a deep breath, ready to finally let it go, but then he noticed something. “Have you been crying?” Bucky quickly dried his face. “No.” Steve huffed a little. “Dude, your eyes are red and puffy and your face is wet. You have been crying.” “N-no.” Bucky said a little taken back. “Buck…” Steve started.

The door opened and the nurse Came in again, interrupting Steve. Steve sighed in both annoyance and relieve. “Bucky? Bucky Barnes?” Bucky nodded. “You’re not allowed in here.” She said, taking his arm and pulling him out of the room. “Wait what?” He asked confused. “Only family is allowed to go in.” 

Bucky protested. “But I am family!” “No you’re not!” “Well I’m his best friend!” Bucky said getting a little angry. Steve protested as well, yelling at the nurse. “He is the only one I have!” Steve yelled right before the door shut closed. 

Bucky felt many feelings in the few seconds after he heard that. His heartbeat quickened, in aw and in sadness, but the taller man was also confused. The _only_ _one_ …? But… how about his parents? Peggy? His other friends? Bucky sighed and slouched into one of the chairs of the waiting room. 

Two police men came over to him. “Bucky Barnes?” Bucky stood up and nodded for them to go on. “You’re under arrest for attacking an innocent man.” “WHAT?!” Bucky yelled outraged. “What the fuck did I do?!” “They found fingerprints on Mr. Rogers’s body, concluding you did horrible things to him.” “W-what the fuck?!” He yelled getting even more outraged than he already was. 

The two police men roughly handcuffed him and pulled him with them to their car. They took him over to the police station and asked him several questions, which Bucky didn’t really know how to reply to, due to misunderstanding. He had to fill in tons of papers and he had to get an attorney. That night they put him into jail, so he wouldn’t run away from the case. 

Bucky sighed as he sat down. “What the fuck…” He asked himself out loud. “Did Steve… report me?” He questioned himself. 


	5. Chapter 5

Many thoughts went through Bucky when he was in his cell. Did Steve seriously report him? Did he do something wrong? If Steve really did report him, than why the fuck did he? And if Steve didn’t actually call the police to report him, who had? 

“Gabe?” The guard of his cell asked. Bucky looked up tiredly. It had been a few days now. “Your attorney is here, he would like to go through some evidence with you.” Bucky stood up in silent, still deep in thought. The guard opened up the cell and handcuffed him. He walked him over to a special room, somewhere hidden in the building. Once inside, his handcuffs were taken off again and the door got locked behind him. 

“So. Bucky.” His attorney spoke. “They Came with some new evidence today.” Bucky looked up at the man, not understanding where the hell they even got that from. The man put some photos on the table. “Look. I’m not allowed to have any of the evidence, but I have some pictures and I have a story. I will tell you, but you have to promise me you’ll stay relaxed.” Bucky nodded unsure. “I want to hear words, because last time you nodded and went crazy anyway.” “I won’t freak out.” Bucky told the man with a tired sigh. 

The man turned around the first picture. It was a picture of Steve’s chest, bruised badly and cut at a few places. Bucky flinched. “Look. They say, that this…” The man started, pointing at one of the cuts. “…shows that you did it. They say they found a piece of glass, the one that fits perfectly in this, with his blood and your fingerprints on it. Can you explain that?” The man asked calmly. Bucky thought for a moment. “It was stuck in him and I was going to pick him up, but I didn’t want it to get in deeper, so I took it out and dropped it to the ground.” Bucky explained. The man nodded and wrote it down. 

“Now… They say that they’ve also found fingerprints on Mr. Rogers’s body. Can you explain that?” He went on. Bucky gave the man a ‘seriously?!’ look. “I’m his best friend, man. Of course my fingerprints are on him! Right before he went out of class he seemed a little down and I had touched his head, maybe his face… His arm… I don’t know. I easily touch him. We’re best friends, you know.” The man nodded and hummed understandably, as he wrote down what Bucky said. 

“Yesterday, you said he did this to himself. Can you give me a bigger explanation of that?” Bucky sighed sadly. “He was depressed, I guess. And he-” “You said ‘I guess’. Why the ‘I guess’?” “Because I didn’t know…” The man looked up from his paper. “You’re his best friend and you didn’t know?” “YES! I asked, but he wouldn’t tell me okay?! He kept saying he was ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ and even though I didn’t believe him, I knew he would prefer it if I just left him alone, so I did!” Bucky yelled freaked out. 

The man put down his pen and sat straight, sighing a little. “Bucky. Breathe.” He told him slowly. Bucky sighed deeply. “Damn it, I just don’t understand what’s going on!” “I understand, I understand.” The man picked his pen up again and wrote something down. 

“Wait, I didn’t say anything, what are you writing down?” Bucky asked a little frantic. “Just that from your sudden outbursts it seems very clear to me that you are telling the truth. I am supposed to write those things down.” Bucky sighed, a little relieved. At least everything was going to be alright… _right_?

“I’m afraid trial won’t be till this Friday, but unless they’ll come with new evidence, you won’t need me till then.” The man told him, standing up and offering him his hand. Bucky shook it politely. “Thank you, sir.” The guard of his cell Came in again and cuffed him up, before taking him back to his cell. 

Days went by that Bucky had to just sit in his cell and do nothing. When they finally got to court, another few days later, they drove in Steve, in a wheelchair. _He looked confused._ They placed him to one of the front tables as the trial started. 

Bucky’s lawyer asked witnesses several questions. Weird enough, they were all guys who used to bully both of them. “Barnes hit him over and over again, and pushed him against the wall. He even threw a painting at him!” One of the jocks, named Dave, said in fake disgust of Bucky. 

Bucky was looking at the ground. He knew it wasn’t true, but all the witnesses were telling the Same thing, plus they found his fingerprints… Bucky realised he wasn’t going to win this. He was about to stand up and apologise to Steve, until Steve himself stood up out of his wheelchair. “That is not true!” He yelled. Everybody looked confused at him. He tried to walk a bit, but fell and had to hold himself up by the table. He sat back in his wheelchair and groaned loudly as Dave smirked at him. 

“Care to explain, Mr. Rogers?” His lawyer asked. “Bucky wasn’t beating me. He was helping me.” “So you’re saying Mr. Barnes was helping you by giving you pain and injuries?” “NO!” Steve yelled annoyed. “Bucky stopped me from going on! I was doing this! _I was doing it to myself_ , okay! Bucky stopped me! He’s my best friend for fuck’s sake! Why the fuck would he hurt me?!” 

“Okay. Okay. Calm down Mr. Rogers. No need to get worked up and use that kind of language.” “No need to get worked up?! Excuse me?! You’re accusing my boyfriend for hurting me! And using me! And injuring me! And all these witnesses weren’t even there! They are all people who used to bully us both, and you all believe them!” Steve rattled on outraged. 

No one seemed to have noticed the word Steve had used to call Bucky. Bucky did though. “ _Boyfriend_ …” He whispered to himself, too soft for anyone else to hear. When Steve was finally done screaming at everybody it got silent. Very silent. “Well I think that’s clear then.” Your donor eventually said, a little awkwardly. “Bucky Barnes is not guilty.” She said, and hit the hammer on the tiny wooden plate. 

Bucky stood up, still slightly in shock. He walked over to Steve and just stared at him. _I heard it wrong. I must have dreamt it. It’s just my mind._ He told himself. “Buck?” Steve asked. “Bucky?” Bucky shook his head, to awaken from his dream world. He sort of knelt down and hugged him. “Thanks man.” He whispered, afraid to let his tears go if he’d talk louder. Steve hugged him back, smiling a little. 

“I have no idea what just happened.” He said softly. “I know right? I was just taken away and then suddenly they told me I had to go to jail…!” Bucky chuckled. “Sorry…” Steve whispered. “What? Why..?” “Well they thought you did this, even though I did it myself… and I… I just… I didn’t get you out right away…” “Steve hun, don’t let it get to you. You couldn’t do anything, you were in hospital.” Steve sighed. “But I sho-” Bucky pushed a finger to his lips. “It’s okay.” He said smiling sweetly. 

Steve smiled and teasingly pursed his lips against Bucky’s finger. Bucky quickly pulled his finger back. His mind couldn’t help but think back to that moment when Steve called him his boyfriend. He blushed a little, but shook his head to get it out. “What are you thinking of?” Steve asked suspiciously, knowing Bucky would shake his head like that, when he’d want a thought to go away. 

“Nothing.” Bucky quickly answered. “Nothing huh?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Well I was actually going through my plan of taking you to my house and making out with you.” Bucky said teasingly, winking at him while getting up again. Steve laughed, and blushed slightly. “You w-could never kiss me.” He said chuckling. “Oh yes I would! And could! Don’t know which one you meant there, it sounded like both.” He giggled. 

Steve smiled. He _loved_ hearing Bucky giggle. But he also blushed, because Bucky heard his hidden secret. “I would love to go over to your house though.” He said looking up as Bucky drove him away. 

Bucky stopped walking. He looked around, searching for any relatives. “Don’t you have to go home, see your parents and stuff?” Bucky asked, a little confused he saw no family, or friends, or anyone they knew for that matter. Steve looked down. “I… I’m not… No.” He eventually said. Bucky frowned, but decided not to ask about it.

They went over to Bucky’s car, which weird enough was parked at the police station, even though he had left it in front of the hospital. Bucky picked Steve up, half bridal style, and put him in his car. He got his seat belt, but Steve stopped him. “I can do that myself.” He said giggling. Bucky blushed. “Oh. Right.” He folded the wheelchair and put it in the trunk, before walking over to the driver’s seat and getting in. 

“So. My house it is.” He mumbled. Steve chuckled at his cuteness. “What?” “Nothing.” Steve said with another chuckle. Bucky cocked an eyebrow at him. “Right…” Bucky smiled realising Steve was _finally_ laughing again. 

“So… Why the wheelchair? Is it that bad?” Bucky asked, while driving to his house. Steve shrugged a little. “There was glass in my spine or something.” He mumbled. Bucky nearly hit the breaks when he heard that. “WHAT?! Are you even ever going to be able to walk again?!” He half yelled, in total shock. Steve giggled a little. “Yeah man, it just has to heal. They got the glass out. It’s fine” Bucky sighed in relieve. 

“Okay dude. I just thought you meant something else.” Steve smiled at Bucky. Bucky was looking at the road, so he didn’t see, but that didn’t matter to Steve. He was just smiling about the fact that he had such a caring friend. He hit himself in his mind, for thinking he had no one. Of course he didn’t have no one. He’d always have Bucky. Although he wanted him in a different way… Steve stared out of the window next to him, getting a little sad again. He knew he would never get Bucky the way he wanted him…


	6. Chapter 6

Once they arrived at Bucky’s house, Bucky flew out of the car, getting Steve’s wheelchair and opening the door. Steve pushed himself up and tried to move over to the wheelchair. “Come. Let me…” Bucky started, ready to take Steve in his arms. “No.” Steve said. “I can do this.” 

He swung his butt a little and let go of the car, so he would fall right into the chair. He didn’t though. He landed right in front of his chair, on the hard cold ground. “Ow!” He yelped. “Fucking damn it!” 

Bucky chuckled a little. “I told ya.” Steve slapped him playfully and pouted. “Ass!” Bucky laughed. “Is that all you got?” “Well I’ve got a penis too!” He answered smirking slightly. “Oh so I’m your huge ass penis?” “Jup!” Steve confirmed, winking at him. “Oh how lovely.” Bucky answered chuckling, again. 

Bucky’s concern took over as he saw Steve was bleeding. He picked him up and swung him over his shoulder, holding him tightly. With his other hand he pulled the wheelchair with them. He opened the door and kicked the chair in. “Buck, what are you doing?” Steve asked confused. Bucky walked to his bedroom and lay Steve on the bed. “Wait here.” He said. 

“It’s not like I can go anywhere else.” Steve said chuckling. Bucky looked at him in pity and quickly walked away. He Came back a few minutes later with a first-aid kit and some cotton wool. Steve cocked an eyebrow. “What do you need that for?” He asked a little confused. “You’re bleeding.” He replied. He closed the door behind him and walked over to the bed. 

Bucky got on the bed next to Steve and opened the box.He leant over Steve and examined him. “Take off your shirt.” Steve did as told without protesting. Bucky caressed Steve’s skin, examining every single bit of it. Steve bit his lip, loving it way too much. Bucky looked up through the corner of his eyes and noticed. He kept looking while he caressed him more carefully. He noticed how Steve’s breathing beCame heavy and how his body relaxed against his touch. _He just trusts me, that’s all._ He told himself. 

“Turn around” He softly whispered. Steve looked at him, thinking of something else. “You hurt your back, remember.” Bucky explained. Steve slowly turned around. Bucky, again, caressed his hands over his soft smooth skin. He took some cotton wool and put some of the rubbing alcohol on it. Without a warning he started cleaning the cut. Steve hissed in pain. 

“Sorry babe.” Bucky apologised. “It’s okay, my love.” Steve answered jokingly. He blushed a little, wanting to be able to call him that forever and wanting Bucky to call him babe forever. He sighed and let his head fall into the pillow. “What’s wrong?” Bucky asked concerned. A muffled “Nothing” Came out in reply. 

Bucky sighed as well. “I know it’s not nothing, Steve…” Steve slowly turned around. “It’s just… I just…” He sighed. “Never mind.” He turned around again, avoiding eye contact. Bucky sighed again and went on cleaning the cut. He gently cleaned everything up and put a few Band-Aids over it. “Done.” He said, slowly turning Steve back. “You’ll have to watch out now though.” 

Steve smiled a little. “I know, Buck.” It was silent for a while. The two boys just stared into each other’s eyes. Bucky shook his head to awaken from his daydream. “You should rest. Get some sleep.” He got up and was ready to walk out. 

“Buck?” Steve asked softly. “Stay?” He whispered, ashamed and afraid of what Bucky might think. Bucky chuckled a little. “It’s just… I’ve been so alone the past few days… I just… want some… company.” Bucky smiled. “I know, Steve. I’ll stay.” He walked back to the bed and lay down next to him. 

Steve silently got a little closer. Bucky also moved a little closer. There now were only a few inches between them. Bucky put his hands under his head, staring up at the ceiling. Steve stared at the open place on his chest. Without a second thought he crawled over to him and laid his head on his best friend’s chest. Bucky looked down and smiled. 

After a few minutes, Steve started shaking. “You cold?” Bucky asked. Steve didn’t reply. Bucky looked at his face. He looked scared, but his eyes were closed. He must be having a bad dream… Bucky thought with pity. 

“No…! No..!! No Bucky!” Steve murmured. “Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me alone! You’re the only one I have!” He screamed into Bucky’s chest. Bucky quickly put his arms around Steve and held him tightly. “Shhh. It’s okay, Steve. It’s okay.” He whispered to his head. Steve held Bucky’s arm tightly as his nightmare got worse. 

“I’m so alone…” He said sniffling. Bucky felt his heart break a little. He pulled Steve up a little more and held him even tighter. He softly kissed his head. “You’re not alone, Steve. Never.” Bucky whispered back. Little did Bucky know Steve had woken up from the tiny movement. Steve inhaled Bucky’s smell deeply and fell into a deep sleep again.


	7. Chapter 7

looking down. Steve took a gentle hold of his chin and made him look up. “Sorry.” He said softly, leaning over. Steve stopped himself quickly as he realised what he was doing. He sat back and looked down. They both laughed awkwardly. An even more awkward silence following. 

“Soooo… Do you want breakfast?” Bucky asked, running a hand through his hair. Steve nodded. “Yeah… That would be nice.” He whispered. Bucky sat up a little and took Steve in his arms. Steve looked questioning at him. “You can’t walk, remember.” He said giggling. “Oh… right.” They walked down the stairs and into the living room. Bucky sat Steve down on the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. 

“Honey, what do you want for breakfast?” He asked with a high pitched voice. Steve laughed. “Whatever you have, my love!” He answered, secretly wanting to keep calling him that too.“I could make pancakes? Oh and we have strawberries! You could have them together!” Steve smiled happily. _Bucky treated him so well_. 

“If you want to go through the whole baking thing…” He answered, not wanting Bucky to just do this for him. Bucky chuckled. “If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have said it.” He said, peeking his head through the doorway and winking at him. As soon as he realised what he just did, he got red and disappeared into the kitchen again. Steve giggled softly, blushing a little as well. 

After a while Bucky got back with a plate of hot pancakes and cold strawberries. Steve smiled genuinely. He frowned as he realised Bucky was only carrying one plate. “Are you not having any?” Bucky shook his head. “Nahh. I already had cereal like an hour ago.” “Oh… Okay.” Steve shrugged and took his plate on his lap. He quickly started eating from his delicious pancakes. 

He moaned softly as he ate; finally having some proper food was very good. Bucky stared at him longingly. Seeing him smile and enjoy his breakfast and hearing him moan like that, made him want to grab him with care and just kiss him over and over again. 

Steve noticed his staring and looked up at him. “You want a strawberry?” He asked gently. Bucky had to hold in an ‘aw’ from the cuteness he just witnessed and smiled. “I would love one.” Steve put his plate down on the table and picked up a strawberry. He put some sugar and whipped cream on it. Bucky opened his mouth and Steve put it in there. Bucky smiled softly. Steve looked so fucking adorable, he just couldn’t help but smile. 

Bucky opened his mouth again, saying “aahh” Steve giggled and picked up another strawberry with whipped cream. Bucky closed his mouth around Steve’s fingers and licked them clean. Steve stared at Bucky’s mouth while he did so. He pulled his hand back and noticed there still was a little whipped cream left on his finger. He brought it to his mouth, but before he could lick it off, Bucky licked it off for him. Steve’s hand was already very close to his mouth and both boys realised. They froze and stared at each other. 

Bucky’s eyes traveled down and noticed there was still some whipped cream on the corner of Steve’s mouth. He smirked, getting an idea. “There is some…” He started. He leant a little forward and licked it away. Steve was still frozen and stared at the ground, taking in the wet feeling at the corner of his mouth. 

Bucky moved back in horror. _Did he just fuck up?_ “S-sorry…” He whispered. “It is-s okay.” Steve stuttered back. Bucky had hoped Steve would have kissed him when he did that, but apparently Steve really didn’t like him that way.

Bucky stood up and took Steve’s empty plate and glass back to the kitchen. When he was in the kitchen he cursed softly. “God fucking damn it! What kind of shit is this, Barnes?!” He sat down on one of the kitchen chairs and stared outside. “You probably freaked him out..!” He said sighing sadly. “Now he’s going to hate you! Your best friend is going to hate you, because you nearly kissed him! You licked part of his lips god damn it!” He whisper yelled the last part to himself. Steve had heard it. He felt sorry for him. _It was just a joke…_ I won’t hate him for that. He thought to himself. 

Bucky walked back out of the kitchen, blushing a little. “You uhh… wanna go home?” “No!” Steve instantly yelled. Bucky backed off a little. “Wow okay…” He answered taken aback. “Sorry.” Steve whispered. “It’s just that… I can’t.” “Oh I can bring you, of course! I mean, I’m not letting you go all the way there on your own!” Steve sighed. 

“No. I mean… I can’t… I don’t-” Bucky stopped him, putting a finger on his lips. “I know.” Steve shook his head. “No. You don’t know. My pare-” Bucky cut him off again. “I know. I called them last night to tell them you were sleeping here. But they told me to throw you on the street because a faggot like you deserved that…” He sighed heavily. 

Steve sniffed a little as tears made their way down his face. Not only because the hate his parents suddenly felt for him, but mostly because his best friend now knew he is gay. “I just kinda wished I had dreamt it…” Bucky whispered, sighing heavily. “I’m sorry…” Steve whispered, looking down as more and more thick salty tears fell down. 

“What?” Bucky asked confused, turning more to his best friend. “I’m sorry. For… For being gay… for not telling you…” Bucky looked at him in pure sorrow, without saying a word. He stared at his sad, tearstained face and felt like crying himself. His parents were horrible for saying those things! And _he himself_ was horrible for telling Steve what they had said… 

“Please… say something…” Steve pleaded. Bucky hugged him. “You can’t be sorry..! It’s okay man! I mean, fuck your parents! They are total assholes!” It was silent for a while. “So… You… you don’t-?” Bucky shook his head. “I don’t mind.” Steve fell against him and cried on his shoulder. “Thank you so much!”

“Steve?” Bucky asked after a while of silent sobs. Steve quickly sat back and looked down. Bucky sighed. He made him look at him and smiled sadly. “You wanna stay here?” He asked softly. Steve smiled brightly as he heard this. “Really?” Bucky nodded. “My parents won’t be home in another couple weeks, after that we’ll see.” He said smiling softly. 

Steve attacked him with a tight hug and sobbed a little again. Bucky put his arms around him. He softly combed his hands through his hair, while murmuring sweet things. “It’s okay, Steve. Please… don’t cry.” He breathily kissed his hair and held him tightly. “It’s okay.” He whispered again. 

After a while of soft shushing and rocking back and forth, Bucky heard soft snoring. He smiled a little. He lay Steve down and brushed his hair out of his face. With his sleeve he removed his tears. He leant down and softly kissed his eyelids, checking if he was indeed asleep before he did so. “Don’t be sad, Stevie… I’m here. I’ll protect you.” He whispered. 

Bucky stood up and got a little piece of paper. “I’m just getting some stuff, I’ll be right back. Call me if anything’s up” He wrote down. He put the paper and the phone on the table next to him. He also got his wheelchair in case he needed it. He checked on Steve one last time before he went out the door and to his parent’s car.


	8. Chapter 8

Bucky drove to Steve’s house. Or well… His parents’ house. He parked his car in front of it and got out. He breathed in deeply as he walked over, knocking on the door. His mom opened up. Her smile dropped as soon as she saw who it was. “I thought the faggot was at your house?” She snarled. 

Bucky sighed deeply to calm himself. “ _Steve_. Is indeed at my house. I’m just here to get his stuff.” “He can’t have it.” She said rigid. 

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Then what is he supposed to wear? Should he just walk around naked?” “Well I know you wouldn’t mind! Would you?!” She yelled at him. “Yes I would! I don’t have to see my best friend naked!” He yelled back. The woman laughed. “Of course…!” She said back with an evil smile. Bucky sighed, to relax again. “Can I just at least get him his sketchpad and some clothing?” The woman sighed. “You have 5 minutes.” She said stepping aside. 

Bucky ran in and over to Steve’s old room. Gladly Steve had his drawing stuff beautifully packed, so he didn’t need to spent time on that. He fished a big bag from underneath his bed and opened it up. He opened his closet and quickly threw in as much as he could. 

He turned around and grasped all his already finished drawings and put them in the bag as well. He opened his nightstand and just threw everything out of there into the bag. Bucky fished underneath his closet and got his other pair of shoes as well. 

He tried to remember what shoes Steve already had with him. Not his favourites. He looked everywhere, but couldn’t find them. He cursed to himself. “Steve where the fuck did you leave your favourite shoes?!” He asked out loud. Then he remembered something. “Of course!” He said smiling to himself. He jumped a little and grasped the box from above Steve’s closet. He looked inside of it and indeed there were his favourite shoes. Or boots I should say. Bucky quickly put them in the bag. 

“30 seconds!” The woman screamed from down the stairs. Bucky looked around and opened all doors and drawers. He shoved everything that looked important into the bag and zipped it up. The door opened. “I’m going, I’m going.” He said. 

“No.” A soft girl’s voice said. Bucky looked up and saw Steve’s sister, Peggy, with tears in her eyes. She was clutching a book against her chest. Bucky looked at her questioning. She gave the book to him. “It’s a photo album.” She whispered. Bucky smiled sadly and took it from her. He gently put it in the bag and tried to zip it up further, but it wouldn’t work. Peggy sat down and helped him. 

Someone stormed up the stairs and into the room. “THE THIRTY SECONDS ARE OVER!” She screamed angrily. Bucky quickly stood up and grasped Steve’s drawing kit. Peggy helped him get the bag downstairs and into the car. She hugged him tightly. “Tell him I love him, will you?” Bucky nodded and hugged her again. “I will, Peg.” He kissed her cheek and got into the car. Peggy sadly waved at him as he drove away. But before she really could, Peggy got pulled back into the house and the door closed harshly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is having emotions. Bucky joins him.

When Bucky came back he struggled getting the heavy bag and the drawing kit into the house. He had to put it down before he could open the door and get in. He dropped them both instantly in the hallway when he heard Steve cry loudly. 

He closed the door and quickly ran into the living room. As soon as the door opened Steve looked up and stopped crying, he quickly dried his face and looked away. Bucky walked over to him and sat down closely next to Steve. He put an arm around him and pulled him close. “Can you please tell me what’s going on?” Steve shook his head furiously. Bucky sighed. “Whenever you’re ready then…” Steve nodded. It was silent for a few minutes. The only thing you could hear was Steve’s quiet sobbing. Steve looked up. 

“Why are you still here?” Bucky looked at him confused. “Why wouldn’t I?” “Well… I- I’m- I’m a fucking faggot!” Bucky firmly but softly grabbed his face. “Don’t ever say that!” Steve looked down as more tears made their way down his face. “But I am…” 

“No.” Bucky said firmly. Steve looked up again. “I am, Buck. I’m in love with a guy.” Bucky slightly broke inside, thinking Steve was in love with another man. He shook his head. “No, Steve. You are not a ‘fucking faggot’. You are an amazing and sweet guy, who is apparently attracted to other guys.” Steve looked up perplexed. He stared into his eyes for a long time, not saying anything. Steve opened his mouth, ready to say “I love you so much” but he stopped himself, looking down at his lap. 

Bucky pulled him closer, making Steve lay his head on his shoulder. “It’ll be alright, Steve.” Bucky assured him. He sniffled softly, getting new hot tears in his eyes. He leaned into Bucky’s touch, hoping that would stop him from crying. But the comfort Bucky brought only made him let his tears fall. 

“It’s just… I feel so lonely…” He sobbed. Bucky pulled him onto his lap completely and held him tightly. “But… You’re not alone, Steve.” “Yes I am. I have no one…” He whispered, sighing deeply. Bucky pushed him off his lap a little and made Steve face him. “Do not. _Ever_. Say that again.” He said holding his face with both hands, so Steve wouldn’t look away. Steve did look away though; he looked down. Bucky just simply lowered his face, and made eye contact again though. 

Every time Steve would look away, Bucky would follow. Eventually Steve closed his eyes. “The person I love doesn’t love me back…” He whispered, nearly impossible to hear. Bucky sighed and let his face go. “Well I guess my love doesn’t count then…” Steve opened his eyes and looked at him in disbelieve. 

Bucky cocked an eyebrow. “Dude, you’re my best friend, of course I love you! Don’t look at me like you didn’t know that already!” Steve nodded and looked down. “I just wished you loved me another way…” He whispered, again, extremely softly. Bucky had heard it, but he thought his mind was fucking with him. _It’s just your mind. It’s all in your head, Bucky!_

They went to watch TV, Steve still close to Bucky. Suddenly Steve looked up at Bucky. “What about school? Didn’t we have to go today?” Bucky shook his head. “Nope. The principle called this morning. He told me we could stay at home for a while. Just until we’re ready to go back and face those assholes without me wanting to rip off their faces.” 

Steve giggled softly at the angry expression Bucky got when he thought about the bullies. “That’s great.” He said still smiling. “Oh and we don’t even have to go to summer school, even though we’re going to miss so many classes!” Bucky said happily. “And you know, the bullies all got a double timetable and detention till five for the rest of the year!” 

Steve looked up shocked. “Seriously? Ha suckers!” Steve chuckled, and so did Bucky. “We’re the best!” He joked. “Yes we are!” Steve said, snuggling onto Bucky a little more. “That’s why we deserve to be lazy and watch TV all day.” Bucky chuckled at how cute Steve sounded. “Yes we do.”

For the rest of the day they watched TV. Bucky made dinner for both of them, and they played a few board games. Neither one of them really liked the board games, so they’d just end up watching TV again. 

Steve yawned. “Do you wanna go to bed?” Bucky asked his friend, who was now spread all over the couch and on his lap. He nodded. “But… Where will I sleep?” He asked with furrowed brows.

“In my bed.” Bucky said with a shrug. “But… then where will you sleep?” Bucky shrugged again. “With you.” Steve froze only a little, but Bucky noticed anyway. “Unless you don’t want me to, of course.” He quickly said. 

Steve shook his head. “No, it’s okay.” Bucky smiled at him. He brought their glasses to the kitchen and put them in the sink. When he Came back he picked up Steve, bridal style, and walked upstairs to his, now _their_ , room. He went to the bathroom and got back with a toothbrush, toothpaste and some water. He walked downstairs to get Steve’s PJs and let Steve get ready for bed in his room, while he got ready in the bathroom. 

Bucky knocked on the door. “Steve? Can I come in?” “Yeah.” He said softly. Bucky opened the door and gasped when he saw Steve on the floor in only his boxers. Steve looked up a little upset. “I tried…?” He whispered. 

Bucky chuckled and walked over to him. “What do I do with you…?” He questioned out loud. “I believe your plan was to make out with me.” Steve answered matter-of-factly. Bucky laughed. “Soon.” He answered with a smirk. “Now come here.” He said pulling Steve towards him. “Push up your ass will you?” Steve did as asked. 

When Bucky had finally gotten Steve into his PJs, he picked him up and lay him on the bed. He crawled over Steve, to his side, accidentally kicking his arm that was still cut open. Steve cringed, not wanting to have Bucky notice. Bucky turned around and saw how his arm had started bleeding again. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed. He grasped Steve’s arm and softly kissed the cut. Steve got tiny Goosebumps from his touch. He relaxed as he felt Bucky’s lips move over his arm. 

He imagined what his lips would feel like against his own. He smiled of the thought. He frowned as soon as he realised he would never have that though. A tear silently made its way over his face. Bucky sighed, not asking anything, because Steve wouldn’t tell him anyway. He brushed away the tear. He brought his thumb with Steve’s tear on it to his mouth en kissed it. “They say that brings good luck.” He smiled sweetly. Steve smiled back. 

Bucky lay down and cuddled up to Steve a little. He picked up his arm and kissed it, again, softly. “Sorry, ‘bout your arm.” Steve turned to face him. “It’s okay, Buck. It’ll stop bleeding in a second.” Their faces were close and they both got a bright shade of red. Not that either one of them could see, because of the dark. 

“Good night, Steve.” Bucky said, kissing part of his lips breathily, nearly not touching it. “N-Night.” Steve stuttered as Bucky turned around and fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning Steve didn’t wake up alone. Bucky was still lying next to him, on his belly, writing something. Steve slowly turned around, being able to see a tiny part of what Bucky was writing. It said, “Steve” a few times, in different writings. And also, “Even though you feel alone, I know you’re not alone. ‘Cause I know there’s someone somewhere, praying that you’ll make it home.”  

“That’s beautiful.” He whispered, awaking Bucky from his dream world. Bucky looked at him and smiled. “Just like you.” He said, still smiling. He quickly looked away when he realised what he just said. He closed his notebook and put it on his nightstand. “You hungry?” He asked as he got up on his knees. Steve thought for a while. “Yeah, I am.” “Kay.” Bucky raised Steve up from the bed without a warning and took him downstairs. 

“Cereal will be fine, Buck.” Steve said making sure Bucky wouldn’t have to do too much. Bucky smiled. “Kay, Stevie.” Steve groaned. “Don’t call me that!” “What, Stevie?” Bucky asked with a smirk. Steve groaned again. 

Bucky disappeared into the kitchen, just to come back a few moments later with a tray of breakfast. “Wow, you’re fast.” Steve exclaimed. “Of course I am, Stevie.” Bucky said, sitting down next to him. Steve hit him. “Cocksucker!” He joked, trying out a way to joke about his sexuality so the subjects because a little lighter.

“Only yours though.” Bucky answered with a smirk, making Steve spit out his drink. _Did he just make a gay joke back?_

Bucky laughed evilly. Steve had spit it all over his arm and hand, giving a great opportunity for Bucky. Bucky picked up his arm and licked it clean. “Bucky!” Steve exclaimed. Bucky just smirked and went on licking. When he reached his hand, he made sure Steve was watching his face. He put one of Steve’s fingers in his mouth and sucked on it gently, while moaning softly. He closed his eyes and enjoyed it even more. 

Bucky secretly really loved it. Somehow, it turned him on a little, which was new. Steve was completely hypnotised by Bucky’s face and the feeling of his tongue, running up and down his fingers. 

When Bucky had finished, he let his arm go and just grabbed his breakfast, like nothing had happened. Steve on the other hand, had to work hard to keep himself from grasping Bucky’s face and crashing their lips together. Steve breathed deeply, before he took his plate and ate his breakfast.

  
“So. Stevie. What do you wanna do today?” Bucky asked when he Came back from doing the dishes.Steve groaned a little. “Making you stop calling me that.” “Calling you what, Stevie?” Bucky asked innocently. “That!” “What should I stop calling you, Stevie?” Bucky went on, with a smirk. “That!” “I’m sorry, Stevie. I don’t understand what you mean with ‘that’ Stevie.” Steve attacked Bucky and pushed him back against the couch. 

“THAT!” “But dear Stevie, I don’t know what you mean.” “That, you jerk!” “B-but Stevie! I- I love you why are you calling me a jerk, Stevie?” Steve groaned loudly and hit Bucky’s head. Steve had frozen for a moment when Bucky said ‘I love you’. 

“Don’t say that!” Steve groaned, poking Bucky’s stomach, over and over again. Bucky shrieked. “Ahh Stevie! You mean punk!” “But James, why are you calling me a punk? I didn’t do anything wrong, did I, James?” Steve teased back. Bucky’s smirk widened. “Oh we’re gonna play it this way, huh?” “But James, I don’t know what you mean with ‘play’ James.” Steve said, poking Bucky faster and faster. “Oh fuck!” Bucky shrieked, pretending to give up. As soon as Steve relaxed a bit, Bucky got up and pushed Steve back against the couch. He started tickling him like mad. 

Steve shrieked, both in joy and pain. “What did you call me, Stevie?” “S-stop!” Steve shrieked. “You called me stop? I don’t think you did that, Stevie. What did you call me?” “S-stop! James, please!” “Stop, who? Who do you mean Stevie?” Bucky asked lowering himself a little. “James, stop!” Bucky lowered himself some more. “Who?” “James!” Steve shrieked, not wanting to give in and honestly, not wanting the game to stop even though it was also hurting him. Bucky lowered himself more, and was now hanging right above his face. He tickled him ever faster, driving Steve crazy. “Bucky! Bucky! Bucky!” Steve shrieked out. Bucky felt his heart skip a beat, when he heard Steve call his name like that. 

“Ow!” Steve yelled suddenly. Bucky snapped out of his day dream. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed as he saw what he had done. He had tickled him so hard the cut in his stomach had opened up. “Oh fuck… Steve, I’m so sorry!” He lifted up Steve’s t-shirt to see the damage. He pulled Steve up a little and took his shirt off. 

He ran upstairs to get the first-aid kit again. He sat down next to the couch and put some rubbing alcohol on some cotton wool. “I’m so sorry, Steve. I should have paid attention. I’m so sorry.” He slowly cleaned the cut, stopping every time Steve hissed and apologising over and over again. Steve stopped Bucky. 

“Buck. It’s okay. Stop apologising.” “B-but… I hurt you! I wasn’t paying attention! I promised I would keep you safe and then I do this!” Steve leant up and held Bucky’s face in both hands and leant in closer. “It’s okay.” He said firmly. He was about to kiss his lips, but caught himself. Instead he kissed his cheek. “You’re a great friend, Buck. It’s okay.” Bucky finally nodded and Steve let go. Bucky finished cleaning the cut and put band aids over it. 

“I’m afraid we’re gonna have to get that stitched.” He said sadly. “Bucky…” Steve sighed. He sat up, holding back the tears that formed in his eyes, from the constant pain in his stomach. “It is okay.” He slowly stood up and hugged Bucky. Steve wasn’t stable enough to keep standing though. He slowly slipped away, but Bucky took a good hold of him. 

Steve put his arms around Bucky’s neck, incase he’d slip away anyway. He looked up, locking eyes with Bucky. They stared into each other’s eyes, not saying anything. Their faces were so close; they could feel the other’s hot breath on their own faces. Bucky finally looked away, searching for his wheelchair. When he found it he picked Steve up and put him in the chair. Without saying a word they left for the hospital.  
  
In the car it was silent.   
  
After a long, excruciating silence, Steve sighed. Bucky immediately flipped. “Look I’m sorry okay! I’m really fucking sorry! I didn’t mean to, man! I love you, why would I want to hurt you! And I mean I promised! And I should have paid attention!” Bucky yelled, stressing out. Steve put a hand on Bucky’s knee. “Dude. It’s okay. Shut up about it.” “It’s just… I’m so sorry.” “I know Buck, I know.” Bucky sighed frustratedly.

Steve leant over and laid his head on Bucky’s shoulder. “Apology accepted, Buck.” Bucky turned his head the slightest bit and softly kissed his head. “Thanks Steve. I owe you.” Steve smirked a little, getting an idea. “That’s okay, Buck.”  
  
Once in hospital, Steve got stitched without analgesia, he held Bucky’s hand tightly. Bucky was totally working himself up. He got angry with the nurse for not giving him anything. “He’s dying of pain, man! Give him something!” He said irritated. “It’s okay, Buck. Let it go.” “See.” The nurse said. “Your boyfriend is perfectly okay.” The two men both blushed and looked away.

Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand, when the nurse went on stitching. “Damn it.” He silently cursed. 

  
“You could kiss.” The nurse suddenly suggested. “W-what?” Both men asked. The lady shrugged. “Kissing mostly helps to forget about pain.” “U-urrm…” Bucky mumbled. “Nahh. I’m not in that much pain.” Steve quickly said. The lady shrugged again. “If you say so. Just so you know, I don’t mind seeing two guys kiss, so don’t hold in because of me. If you need it, you need it.” Both men looked at her in astonishment. Neither of them were used to people actually accepting queerness.

She just smiled sweetly. The two of them looked at each other, both blushing more the longer they shared eye contact. The lady seemed to understand the situation and an awkward laugh escaped her mouth. “Oh…” She quickly went on stitching him. “Two more to go, you should be alright.” She said softly. 

When she was done, she cleaned him up and gave back his shirt. Bucky raised him from the table and put him in his chair. They got some painkillers and drove back to his car. 

  
“So…” Bucky started. “Did it hurt much?” He asked as he put him back into the car. “Yeah… It kinda did…” He admitted. “Kiss it better?” Steve asked pouting. Bucky smirked. “Say please.” “Pretty please???” Bucky lowered himself and lifted up Steve’s shirt. He kissed his now stitched up cut. “James.” Steve added with a smirk. Bucky got up and got really close to Steve’s face. “What did you just say?” Steve giggled, but said nothing. 

Bucky got a little closer, again. Steve found it hard to concentrate. Where did he have to look? His eyes? His lips? Oh god those lips..! Bucky got even closer and asked again, “What did you just say?” “B-Bucky!” He quickly answered. “Very good!” Bucky said. But to be able to say those words, he had to purse his lips, making them slightly touch Steve’s.  

He quickly moved away and kissed his stomach. “You know… I’m really sorry about yo-” Steve pushed Bucky’s head against his stomach, making it impossible for him to talk. “I know, Bucky. It’s okay.” He let go off his head and sighed. Bucky sighed too and gave his stomach one last kiss, before he got up and went to the driver’s seat.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically; Steve gets high, things happen.

The ride home was silent again. Both men just stared outside and got lost in their dream world. Bucky had to pay attention to the road though. 

  
Once they got home Bucky got Steve out again and walked inside. “You know…” Bucky started. “We could put your stuff in my closet?” Bucky suggested. Steve laughed a little. “Yeah, so you can have all my stuff!” Bucky laughed with him. “Yeah totally! No, I mean, it would be our closet then.” Steve smiled. “Sure.” Bucky walked upstairs and placed Steve on the bed. He walked back downstairs and got his bag. 

“Oh shit!” Bucky said out loud. He ran into the kitchen and got Steve’s medication. With the medication, the huge bag and Steve’s drawing kit, Bucky walked up the stairs. He put the bag down and gently placed his drawing kit against the wall. “Sweet! You brought my drawing kit!” Steve exclaimed. 

He got up and walked over to Bucky, hugging him. Or at least, he tried to. He fell down right before he got to Bucky. Bucky caught him though. He chuckled. “You’re such a punk.” Steve hit him, but laughed. “I know.” Bucky put him down on the ground and disappeared again. He Came back with a glass of water. “You forgot your medication. And you’re supposed to take more in like 30 minutes. But you didn’t take the first one, so it’s better to just do it now.” He said sitting down next to Steve and giving him his pills. 

“Maybe I should take double doses? That way my body still gets everything it needs.” Bucky picked up the leaflet and read it. “It doesn’t say you can’t…” He said unsure. “Maybe you shouldn-” Bucky stopped talking when he saw Steve was already taking the double amount. He sighed. “Steve! What if you die if you take this much?!” Steve looked at him and then looked down, not saying anything. Bucky sighed again, this time a little angry. “Oh no, you are not thinking that way, Steve!” Steve didn’t reply. He was trying hard not to start crying again. 

_What is wrong with me? I never cry! And suddenly I cry all day long! What kind of fucking shit is this…?_ He he yelled at himself in his head. 

“Steven Grant Rogers! You do not want to die, and you won’t!” Bucky said firmly. “Do you understand?” He asked, making Steve look up at him. “Do you?” He asked as he stared into his eyes, but no answer Came out. “Steve?” he asked, now getting a little desperate. “Steve, damn it! You will not ever think that way again!” Bucky said getting closer. “You hear me?! You, Steve Rogers, will never wish yourself dead. Not ever.” A tear silently made its way down Steve’s face. Bucky took it away with his thumb and sighed. “What’s wrong Steve?” 

“It’s just… I just know I will never have the person I’m in love with… And you being so close to me, made me realise I will never get kissed by that person… I’ll probably never get kissed at all..!” Bucky softly hit him. “Of course you will get kissed!” “By who..? I mean, look at me; I’m 17 years old, nearly 18! And yet, never kissed…” Bucky didn’t know what to say. He wanted to say that he would gladly kiss him. Scratch that, he just wanted to kiss him, right there and then! But he couldn’t do that, could he..? He sighed. “W-well… I…” He stopped. What was he going to say? 

Suddenly, he thought of something. “If you’ve not kissed yet when you turn 20, I will kiss you.” Steve sighed. He didn’t want to wait that long... “Make it 18.” Bucky shrugged. That was only a couple months away, and secretly that made him very excited to actually be allowed to kiss him.

“Okay.” He agreed. “Who’s the lucky guy anyway?” Bucky asked. “Lucky?” Steve asked, not believing anyone would be lucky to be with him. “Yes. Lucky. Whoever gets to be loved by you is very lucky.” Bucky smiled at him, but then looked down and sighed. “I wish I was lucky...” He whispered very softly, but Steve heard it anyway. 

Steve sat up and stared at his best friend. “Bucky! I love you man! You know that! I’m sure you’ll find someone!” “I love you too, Steve.” Bucky said with a sad smile. Steve knew that smile and he didn’t like that he saw it. They both looked at the ground for a while, before Bucky spoke. 

“Shall we put away your stuff?” Steve nodded. “Yeah sure.” Bucky grabbed the bag and opened it up. He got out the photo album and gave it to Steve. “Peg gave me this… oh and I had to tell you she loves you.” Steve smiled and hugged the book. He leant back and laid it on the bed. Bucky got out Steve’s favourite boots and handed him the box. 

“Oh my god! Bucky you got my boots! Oh my god that is so amazing!” He exclaimed. Bucky chuckled. His medication started to work. They got out all his stuff and Steve kept getting happier and happier when he saw all the stuff Bucky had been able to get for him. He hugged his stack drawings and gently lay them down next to the photo album. He was glad to see the top drawing was innocent and he prayed to no one in particular that Bucky hadn’t seen the other drawings. 

Bucky straightened his clothing and put it all in his, now their, closet. He put his shoes on a shelf and his belts next to them. 

When they were finally done unpacking, Steve attacked Bucky in a hug so roughly they both fell over. Steve had gotten a little high form his medication and was doing all sorts of weird things. Bucky laughed at him and ruffled his hair. “You’re such a punk.”

Steve was holding Bucky tightly and making them roll around the room. After a few minutes Bucky stopped them; he was getting way too dizzy. “You know…” Steve suddenly said. “That very lucky person, as you put it, is very close to me.” Steve tried to explain. Bucky didn’t get it. Or well, he did, but he thought Steve must have meant it another way. _The only people close to him right now are Peg and me… But he can’t… mean it that way_. He thought to himself. He shook his head, trying to get the thought out of it. 

  
They lay there, Steve on top of Bucky, for a long time. Steve kept poking Bucky’s belly, making Bucky shriek with laughter. Suddenly Steve stopped and looked Bucky deeply into his eyes. “Buckyyyyyy…?” “Yes, Steve.” “Do youuuuw consider yourself luuuuucky?” Steve asked all high and giggly. 

Bucky thought for a while. “Nahh, not really.” Steve slowly leant down above his face. “You aaaaare.” He whispered to his lips, before pressing them together softly. Their lips locked and they shared a sweet kiss. Bucky pushed Steve away a little. “Steve… you’re high from the pills…” Steve sat up on top of him. “No, I’m nooooooooot. Imma perfectly fiiiiiiiine!” He slurred loudly.

Bucky sighed. “And since when do you talk that way?” “Since I looooove you!” He said, leaning down and trying to kiss his lips again, but Bucky turned away. “Steve, you don’t want this.” “Yes I doooooo” He leant down again, but Bucky turned away again. “But I- I don’t want this. Not like this.” He said rolling away from him, making Steve fall. He stood up and picked Steve up. He laid him on the bed and took off his trousers. “Sleep, Steve. You need it.” He put the blanket over him and brushed his hair out of his face. “Wake up when you can act normal again, please.” He whispered, before turning away. 

  
"Bucky? One last kiss?" Steve pleaded. Bucky sighed, considering whether he should do it or not. "Please?" Steve begged him. Bucky shrugged and walked over to him. He sat down next to him and stared at his face. Steve pulled him down and kissed his lips softly. Bucky kissed back slowly, but pulled back after a few seconds. He turned around and walked down the stairs. Tears were streaming down his face. 

"Why did he have to do that..? Why did he have to hurt me like that?" he asked himself in a whisper. He sighed heavily and slouched onto the couch. He curled up into a little ball and watched TV. He couldn’t really pay attention though; too many feelings were going through him.


	12. Chapter 12

Hours had passed by, and Bucky had gotten bored. He walked upstairs to get his notebook, so he could go on writing. He walked over to his nightstand and opened the drawer. Steve woke up and turned around, facing Bucky. “Hey.” He croaked. Bucky looked at him. “Oh. Hey. How are you feeling?” He asked sitting down on the bed. 

Steve thought for a minute, freezing as he got a flashback from earlier that day. “I-I’m okay…” He said, blushing madly. Bucky blushed too; understanding what Steve was thinking off. He looked away, not being able to look Steve in the eyes at that moment. “Good.” He quickly said. "Just a little dizzy." Steve noted. ”Understandable" Bucky nodded. 

“D’you want dinner? Or want to do something, or…?” Steve shook his head. “Nahh. I’m not that hungry. But if you want anything…” He started. “I could just grab it whenever I wanted.” Bucky finished him, smiling sweetly, but still not making eye contact. “You wanna watch a film?” Steve smiled. “Yeah, sure!” Bucky smiled and walked over to his side. “I could try it myself?” Steve more questioned than said. 

Bucky took a step back. “Okay.” Steve stood up and smiled when he was able to keep standing. He slowly shuffled to the door. When he was in the doorway he collapsed against it. He breathed out heavily. “Fuck…!” He cursed. 

Bucky quickly walked over to him and snaked his arms around his waist to hold him up. “You’ve gotten pretty damn far, Steve!” Steve turned around in his arms and examined the room. “I’ve walked like, not even 10 feet!” “Well, you tried your best!” Bucky said, trying to make him happy again. Steve looked up the slightest bit and looked in his eyes. He blushed, wanting to kiss him again, but he looked down when he remember what Bucky had said. _“I don’t want this._ ” and “ _Wake up when you can act normal again, please._ ” He held back fresh, hot tears and turned around, shuffling away. 

He went over to the stairs and grasped the railing. He miss-grasped though. Bucky flew over to him and flung his arms around him, grasping him just in time. He pulled him back and stood against the wall. “Damn it Steve! What the fuck..?!” Steve sobbed in his arms; he was startled from what had just happened. 

Bucky turned him around and held him close. He put a hand in his hair and slowly ruffled it, holding his head close to his chest. “It’s okay, Steve.” Steve relaxed and softly leaned into his touch. He enjoyed being in Bucky’s arms. Bucky rubbed his back. “Shall I just carry you down?” Steve nodded, still crying softly. Bucky picked him up and held him close to himself, while walking down the stairs. 

He sat him down on the couch and turned on the tv. “Do you want a drink?” Bucky asked after a while of just sitting and watching tv. “Coke would be fine.” “Sorry, we have no drugs in the house.” Bucky informed him. “Oh. Too bad! Well make it a sprite then.” He said laughing. Bucky left for the kitchen and Came back with two sprites. “Did I miss anything?” He asked when he sat down. “Me.” Steve joked. Bucky playfully lay down on top of him. “Next to you?” “N-not that I know of.” He stuttered, trying hard not to get lost in his eyes. But it was too late. They lay on the couch, staring at each other. Neither one of them said a word. Neither one of them was paying attention to the film. They slightly leant towards each other…

  
_RIIIIING!_ Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Bucky quickly got up and ran over to the door. When he opened the door he saw Peggy standing in front of him. “Hey Peg! Come in!” Steve sighed in relieve. No parents. No annoying people. It’s just Peggy. “What were you doing?” Peggy asked. “Your whole face is red.” She stated. She bumped Bucky’s arm. “Were you two making out?” She asked as they walked into the living room. 

“W-WHAT?!” both men yelled. Peggy laughed. “Oh come on… I know you’re gay, Stevie!” She giggled. She looked at Steve and froze. “Oh god… He didn’t know? You two are not…? You…” She stuttered. She sat down next to him and hugged him. “I’m so sorry!” Bucky sat down next to her. “I already knew.” Bucky said, smiling at her. 

“How did you… know?” Steve asked Peggy softly. Peggy chuckled. “You’re my brother. I knew.” 

He stared at her in disbelieve. “And you… you’re okay… with it?” Peggy held his face and softly kissed his cheek. “Of course I’m fine with it! You’re my brother! As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.” Steve hugged her tightly. “I love you, Peg.” Peggy turned around, facing Bucky. “You didn’t tell him?” “Oh yes I did.” Bucky answered, smiling, while Steve said “yes he did, Peg” She chuckled and hugged her brother again. 

“So how are you, Stevie?” She asked as she let him go. Steve groaned. “Oops. I mean, Steve.” She said, teasingly poking him. “I’m fine.” Peggy nodded, smiling. “That’s good.” “Do you want anything to drink, Peggy?” Bucky asked interrupting the two of them. “Yeah sure, sprite’s fine.” She answered. 

“Is Bucky taking good care of you?” She asked when he disappeared into the kitchen. “Cause if he isn’t, I’ll come live here too and help him out!” “You better not!” Steve protested. Peggy pouted. “But- Oh!” She smirked. “So he ís your boyfriend!” Steve quickly put his hands over her mouth. “No he’s not!” He whispered. 

“But you want him to be.” She smirked. Steve looked down blushing, just to look up questioning. “How do you know that?” Peggy laughed. “I also know, he wants you too.” She whispered to him, winking. Steve sighed. “No he doesn’t…” “Uh yes he does.” 

“No, he does not Peg! I- I kissed him… He… he kissed back first, but then pushed me away and told me to go sleep and wake up when I could act normal again…” “What?!” She said angrily. She stood up and walked over to the kitchen. “No Peg don’t! please!” Peggy turned around and apologised. “I have to.” She said before walking over to Bucky, ready to kick his ass. Steve curled up into a little ball and softly sobbed. 

  
Well that was it… living together and just having fun. Now Bucky will probably kick him out and he’ll have to sleep on the street and have no fun. He probably won’t even see him again then! And then he’d really have no one…

Steve sighed heavily. “Thanks Peg…” He whispered softly, before letting out another sob.

  
“Bucky?” Peggy started sternly. “Yes, Peggy.” “Why did you push him away?” Bucky quickly turned around, facing her. “What?” “Why did you push him away..? He thinks you don’t love him… But I mean, you obviously do, so… why would you push him away?” Bucky looked bewildered at her. 

“B-but… I just… He was high…” “What?” Peggy asked confused. “He had taken the double amount of his pills, because he had forgotten them, in the morning.” “And you let him?” “No of course not! I was busy telling him how he could die if he did so, while he just took them!” Peggy sighed. “So you just pushed him away, because he was high… and you didn’t want to kiss someone who’s high…?” Bucky sighed as well. 

“Yes. and I also don’t want him to kiss me, just because he’s high. I didn’t want things to get awkward, when he’d be back to normal again… I mean, he just kissed me because he feels lonely… We had just talked about that a moment before.” “Bucky, Bucky, Bucky…” She sighed. “He didn’t kiss you because he’s lonely. He kissed you because he wanted to kiss you.” “What? No. No, he would never want to kiss me. No.” 

Peggy sighed and walked over to him, slapping him in the face. She did it softly, and it didn’t hurt him at all, but it was the gesture that counted. “Of course he would.” She said before walking out. “But... Why would he want me?” Bucky said back. Not that Peggy would reply. 

Bucky sat down on a kitchen chair and held his head in his hands. Peggy walked over to Steve, knelt before him and hugged him. She kissed his cheek. “I gotta go, Stevie.” Steve sighed. “What did you say?” He asked a little scared. “Don’t worry, honey. Everything will be okay.” She kissed his head again and walked away. “Bye Steve! Take care!” “Bye…!” And with that Peggy was gone.

Bucky walked back into the living room. He looked around. “Where’s Peggy?” Steve quickly dried his face. “She had to go home.” “Oh. Okay.” Bucky shrugged. He sat down next to him and leant against him, placing his head on Steve’s shoulder. 

“Sorry…” He whispered. “For what?” “Just… Sorry.” “Okay.” Steve answered, not wanting to go on about it. After a long silence, Steve heard snoring. He looked down at Bucky, who was now more laying on his chest, than his shoulder. 

He smiled at him. “You’re so beautiful, Bucky.” He whispered, sighing. He leant down. “I’m sorry.” He whispered before pressing their lips together. Steve leant back and closed his eyes. Slowly he fell asleep again.  



	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yup. It's the chapter with the "sexual content"

Days went by that the two men just watched tv and played little games the whole day, not really doing anything proper. 

“Steve? I know it’s kinda hard to do, but uhh… Shouldn’t you shower?” Steve looked up. “Fuck I hadn’t even thought of that!” Bucky chuckled. “But… I still can’t stand properly…” “Uhh… Well, I’ll help you then.” Steve nodded unsure. Bucky picked him up and brought him to the bathroom. He started to undress himself. Steve stared at Bucky’s naked torso, wanting so badly to touch it, caress it and just kiss it all over. Bucky coughed. 

“You gonna shower with all your clothing on?” Steve looked down and blushed. “Urm… no... I was just…” Bucky chuckled. “Just take it off. I mean, we look the Same way, right? We have the Same body, it doesn’t matter.” Steve nodded, slowly taking off his shirt. He loosened his pants, but couldn’t get them off as he was still sitting on them. Steve cursed. “Why am I so weak…?! God damn it!” 

Bucky put a hand on his chest. “It’s the medication, it’ll get better.” He smiled reassuringly. “Come let me help you.” He knelt down and pulled down his pants, accidentally taking his boxers with it. 

“Oh.” Bucky whispered awkwardly. He threw Steve’s clothing on a pile and went outside. He got back with clean clothing and underwear and put it down on the sink. He put on the water and took down his boxers as well. Steve was sitting on the toilet, looking at his hands. “Buck? How am I gonna keep standing in there?” Bucky thought for a while. “I’ll hold you.” Bucky felt the water and nodded for Steve to come over. Walking went a little better already, gladly. 

He stood in the shower and enjoyed the hot water falling on his cold and naked body. Bucky gave him a washing cloth and some shower gel. Steve started washing his stomach and his arms. It went alright. 

He then leant down to start washing his legs, but fell forward. Bucky grabbed his waist and helped him back up. “Shall I do that for you?” He offered. Steve nodded, giving the cloth to Bucky. He held himself up on the wall, while Bucky leant down and started washing one of his legs. 

Steve couldn’t help but stare at his ass. God he was so gorgeous… Bucky started washing the upper part of his leg, coming very close to… another leg. Steve tensed, but for some reason, didn’t really mind. Well, some reason… he knew the exact reason. Bucky washed around it and went over to his other leg. 

“You gotta do your junk yourself, man.” he said when he was done. Steve chuckled. “No shit.” Bucky smirked. “No sheet.” Steve blushed and looked down, washing his junk. He couldn’t help but stare at Bucky’s package, as he did so. 

Bucky was washing his torso, so he could see everything. And let’s just say he didn’t mind that at all. He had to look away though. Otherwise he would totally get a boner. Steve tried to reach his back and stretched out, this lead to Steve loosing balance again and falling straight forward. Bucky caught him and pulled him up, back to his feet. The two men stared at each other, both being very aware of their naked bodies, being rubbed together. Steve let out a shaky breath and looked away. Bucky bit his lip, trying hard to not get a boner. 

“You stable again?” He asked shakily. Steve nodded and stepped back. He tried to reach his back again, and nearly slipped again. Bucky held him, now with long arms this time, not having to push Steve against himself. “Shall I do that too?” He asked softly. Steve nodded and slowly turned around. Bucky slowly and carefully washed his back. 

Bucky noticed knots in his back and started massaging him softly. Steve leaned into the touch and breathed heavily. Bucky went on giving him a good massage, making Steve lay his head on the slightly taller man’s shoulder. He moaned softly. “Oh Buck… What are you doing? It feels so good…” He moaned. Bucky did a small step back, hoping his growing boner wouldn’t get noticed. 

Bucky worked his way down Steve’s back and slightly to the front of his stomach. Bucky did this a few times, making Steve curse. “What? Not good?” Steve groaned. “This..? No, not really…” He mumbled gesturing to his penis, not really thinking about what he just said. 

Bucky peeked over his shoulder and noticed his boner. His own jumped off the view, making him also mutter a few curses. Bucky finished his massage and asked Steve if he was stable. When Steve nodded, Bucky quickly grabbed a towel and walked away. “I’ll get dressed in the restroom, you can do it here.” He said before disappearing out of the bathroom. 

  
Bucky quickly went to the restroom and dropped his towel. He rubbed his penis and threw his head back against the wall. “Fuck…” He muttered. He made a fist around his penis and started jacking off. “Whatever…” He muttered. He leant against the wall and jerked himself as fast as possible. Thinking about Steve made it even easier for him to climax. He moaned Steve’s name as he came in a bunch of toilet paper. He picked up his towel and dried himself fully, before getting into his boxers.

  
At the same time, Steve was sitting on the bathroom toilet, massaging himself as well. “Oh Bucky…” He moaned. He picked up the washing cloth they had used and started pumping himself with it. Soft moans escaped his mouth as he worked on himself faster and faster. Not long after, he came into the washing cloth, moaning Bucky’s name. 

Steve stood up and walked over to his pile of clothing. The floor was wet, and Steve didn’t have much strength yet. He slipped and fell down harshly. Bucky ran over to the bathroom and jerked the door open. He got on his knees next to Steve. “Steve? Steve, please! Say something! Oh god… you’re bleeding!” 

He snatched his phone and called 911. “Help! My friend, he slipped and fell on the tiles! And his head is bleeding and he’s unconscious and I don’t know what to do!” The man on the phone tried to calm him down, but it didn’t work out that well. “Just send an ambulance, damn it!” “Yes yes, sir. An ambulance is on its way.” The man slowly informed him. “You got my address?” “Yes, we traced it.” “Okay, bye.” Bucky hung up and threw his phone away.  



	14. Chapter 14

He grabbed Steve’s boxers and got him in them. _They couldn’t find him all naked in here!_ As soon as he was done with it, a bunch of men kicked in the door. “Up here!” Bucky yelled. The men ran up the stairs and over to the two young men. One of the men roughly picked him up. 

“Watch out! Be a little careful man!” Bucky freaked out. “Well, do you want to do it then?” The man asked rigidly. Bucky carefully took Steve from the man and placed him in his arms perfectly. He quickly, but carefully ran down the stairs and over to the ambulance. A stretcher was ready at the front door and Bucky gently placed Steve on it. They immediately drove Steve into the ambulance.

Bucky tried to follow, but a woman stopped him. “Get dressed.” Bucky looked down. “One second!” He ran inside, grabbed a long coat and his house keys and ran back. “Front seat is for you mister.” Bucky sighed and got in the front seat. They raced over to the hospital and once there, they raced out of there, leaving Bucky alone. 

Bucky tried to run after them, but got stopped by the Same nurse as before. “Are you family of the man?” “Ye- no…” “Then I’m afraid you can’t go further. Only his parents are allowed in.” “B-but! He- He doesn’t have parents…” “Oh, well, a sibling than?” “He has a sister. Can you call her for me…?” “Of course, young man. Do you know her full name?” “Peggy Rogers.” “I will call her right away. If you will just wait over there?” The nurse said pointing to the waiting room. “Okay…” Bucky sighed, freaking out on the inside. 

He walked over to the waiting room and sat down with another sigh. “Fuck... fuck fuck fuck!” He cursed. He took fists full of his hair and pulled on it harshly. He paced around the room, cursing non-stop. Other people in the waiting room looked at him angrily. 

“Sit down!” Someone yelled at him. Bucky stopped and stared angrily at the woman who yelled at him. He was about to scream at her until he saw she was crying too. “I’m sorry…” He whispered. He walked over to an empty seat where no one would sit near him and slouched down in it. He pulled his knees up and hugged them, while laying his head against them and softly sobbing.

 

“Excuse me?! He needs to be in there with him!” He heard a girl yell. _Why does that voice sound so familiar?_ Bucky questioned himself. “He is not family of the patient!” Another woman yelled back. “But I am, and I know my brother needs him!” She yelled back outraged. “He is not family, nor his partner, he cannot go in!” The girl gave an angry scream. “Not his partner?! He is his boyfriend for fuck’s sake!” 

Just as Bucky realised why the voice was so familiar, the girl herself walked in. 

“Bucky! You’re coming with me!” She said angrily. “Peggy…” Bucky started. Everyone was looking at them. Peggy huffed as she pulled him with her. “Peg… I’m not family, I’m not allowed in…” Peggy stopped in the middle of the hallway and faced him. “Yes you are. You two love each other _so much_. You need it, Steve needs it. You are going in.” And with that she turned around and pulled him with her again. 

Once they finally arrived at Steve’s room Bucky turned towards the door and wanted to open it, but Peggy stopped him. “Bucky. They told me he was found on the bathroom floor, in only his underwear. What the fuck?! You know he’s not able to stand on his own for too long yet! And you just let him go in there alone?!” She yelled at him. 

Bucky looked down. “I didn’t.” He said softly. “You didn’t? No of course you didn’t! Then how the fuck did he end up on the floor bleeding, in just his boxers?!” “We had just showered.” “You let him shower alone?!” She screamed, getting outraged again. 

Bucky got a little angry himself now as well. “No of course I did not! I said we! WE showered!” He yelled back. “Do you have any idea how awkward it was? Both of us standing there naked! Steve falling against me, naked!” He said still angrily. “I just went to the restroom so I could get dressed there, and he could get dressed in the bathroom. I heard a thud, and immediately went to look for him. He lay there on the ground, u-unconscious, ble-eeding and n-naked… And he- he didn’t s-say an- nything…” Bucky sobbed, stuck in panic-mode. 

Peggy put her arms around him. “It’s okay Bucky, he’s safe now.” She assured him. She took his face in both of her hands and made him look at her. “I’m sorry.” She said sadly. She kissed his cheek and let him go. “Let’s go in.” 

  
Bucky opened the door and got in, instantly walking over to Steve’s side. He grabbed Steve’s hand and held it. Steve turned around and opened his eyes. The doctors had checked on Steve’s body and brain and when they saw everything was okay, they had woken him up. 

Steve was still a little dizzy and sleepy, and for some reason had a raw voice, but he was fine. “Buck.” He croaked. “Hey, how are you feeling?” Steve looked away, remembering their shower from just nearly 2 hours ago. “I’m fine…” Steve looked down a little. “Bucky… Are you naked?” He asked confused. 

Bucky looked down and giggled awkwardly. “No,” Bucky started and pulled open the coat. “I was only wearing boxers, but they wouldn’t take me with them that way, so I just had to grab something quickly, and this coat was nearby.” Steve chuckled, but stopped to cough roughly. Though the cough was unpleasant, he was glad it happened. Since coughing made his face go red, Bucky wouldn’t notice how Steve was blushing over Bucky showing his body in just his boxers. One awkward moment avoided.

“But you sure you’re fine? You don’t sound like it.” Bucky asked worriedly. Steve laughed a little. “I’m in the hospital; of course I don’t sound like it.” He said looking away again. Peggy walked to his other side and held his hand. “Steve, relax a bit, will you? You two showered, you slipped. Okay. Now how’s your head doing?” Steve moved his hand up, making Bucky let go off it. He felt on the back of his head and hissed. 

“Not that good I guess.” He murmured, looking down. Bucky’s hands moved to his head and softly felt it. Steve hissed, again. “Sorry.” Bucky whispered instantly. 

He lowered his face a little bit and noticed it wasn’t stitched. “What the fuck…?” He asked himself out loud. “What? What is it?” Peggy and Steve asked. “They didn’t stitch it up…!” “That’s… because I asked them not to…” Steve whispered. “Why?” Bucky asked him. “I- I… argh it’s just stupid…! It doesn’t matter.” 

“Steve, if you know it’s stupid, then why not just let them do it..?” He asked him slowly. “No. I just want… I ju-” Steve sighed. “It’s stupid…” Bucky looked Steve in his eyes. “Why? What is it?” “I just…” He took a deep breath. “I just wanted you to do it…” He whispered. “Because you’re so gentle, and they just sort of throw with your head.” He quickly added. 

Bucky smiled softly. “I’ll get the rubbing alcohol, and I’ll be here, I’ll make sure they’re gentle… but I’m afraid they still have to stitch it, cause I can’t do that.” He giggled with a concerned look on his face. Steve smiled. “That’s okay.” Bucky left the room to find the things he needed, giving Peggy some time to talk. 

  
“Steve…” She started. “You should tell him.” Steve shook his head furiously, groaning of the pain he caused himself. “No. I can’t. It would ruin everything!” Peggy sat down on the bed. She lay down next to him and looked up. “I know it’s killing you, Steve…” Steve sighed. 

“I don’t care… I don’t want to ruin our friendship…” He looked down and kissed her head. He sighed again. “Now we can just hug, and he can bring me upstairs and downstairs and everywhere, just holding me in his arms, and nothing’s wrong, nothing’s awkward, nothing’s painful.” He whispered. “I just want to live the rest of my life like that.” “Even if it meant not getting together with him?” “Even then…” He whispered, unsure, secretly already knowing it was a lie.  
  
Bucky came in with a nurse, a pile of tissues and cotton wool and stuff in his arms. He put them down on the bed. “Can you turn your head to me, please?” Bucky asked sweetly. Steve did as told and Bucky started cleaning his head. Once he was finished, the nurse came over and stitched it up. 

Steve had to hold Bucky’s hand, to be able to forget about the pain. And yet they both just saw each other as friends. Peggy chuckled at their cuteness. Steve groaned, and Bucky hit her with his spare hand. “Stop it, Peg!” “Okay!” She laughed. When the nurse was done she dismissed him. 

“Ready to go home?” Bucky asked, and Steve smiled and nodded. Peggy opened the door and Bucky picked Steve up. She awed again and ruffled Steve’s hair, smiling at him. Suddenly she realised that must have hurt and she instantly apologised. Steve chuckled. “It’s okay, Peg.” He smiled at her again. Peggy smiled back, being very happy to see her brother smile again.

“Hey, I have to go home now, because mom and dad didn’t even want me to go here in the first place…” Peggy said when they arrived at Bucky’s car. “Okay.” Steve said a little sadly. She kissed his head softly. “I know, Steve. I’m sorry.” She stroked his cheek, waved a little and walked away.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning Bucky made Steve another fancy breakfast. “Why are you doing that?” Steve asked. Bucky shrugged. “I just felt like cooking.” Steve giggled of Bucky’s cuteness. “What?” “Nothing.” After he had finished his breakfast and Bucky had _finally_ done the dishes, they were sitting on the couch.

“Shall we have a sleepover?” Bucky suddenly asked. “With like Jacques, Gabe, Dugan and the rest? And Peg of course.” “Yeah sure. We could do that tomorrow? Seeing that it’s Thursday today.” Steve smiled. Bucky nodded understandably and picked up his phone to call all the guys and Peggy. They all told Bucky they could _definitely_ come the next day, making Bucky smile brightly.

“Yay.” He said softly, as he hung up on the last one to call. Steve laughed out loud. “What?!” “That was so cute!” Steve exclaimed. “What?” Bucky asked in disbelieve. “You’re so cute!” He said still laughing. He fell against Bucky’s shoulder and sighed when he had finished laughing. 

“Soooo.” Bucky started after a _short_ silence. “Cute, huh?” He said, whilst he made Steve look at him. Steve blushed madly and looked anywhere but Bucky’s eyes. “You’re not so bad yourself, babe!” Bucky said with a fake accent and a wink. Steve giggled. “right, sure!” 

“Uh, Yeah.” Bucky said as if it were obvious. “Haha! No.” Steve laughed sarcastically. Bucky hugged him closer and kissed the side of his head. “Truth jerk.” 

Steve sighed heavily. “Well at least I’m your jerk then…” He looked down. Bucky put his hand underneath his chin and made him look back up. “Yes.” He said smirking. They stared into each other’s eyes, ready to lean that last bit forward and connect their lips. But no, instead they blushed and looked away.

“So. Uhm… We could do some grocery shopping for tomorrow?” Steve nodded. “Yeah sure.” Bucky got up and got Steve’s wheelchair. Steve stood up and quickly sat down in it, before he could fall. Bucky ran upstairs to get his wallet and quickly Came down again.

While chatting a little they walked over to the nearest store. “So. How’s life?” Bucky asked Steve, not really knowing what to say anymore. Steve sighed softly, hoping Bucky didn’t hear it. “It’s okay…” He said, trying hard not to sound too sad. “Then why the sigh?” Steve shrugged. “Dunno.” He mumbled. Bucky sighed heavily. 

In the middle of the store he stopped and walked around the wheelchair. He crouched down and took a hold of Steve’s hands. “Steve. I don’t want to force you or anything, but I really want you to tell me what’s going on. You seemed happy lately. It made me think you’re doing okay now. But sometimes you just… look out of your eyes in a way that… that I can’t really understand. It seems sad, and angry and disappointed and depressed all at the Same time. And I don’t want you to be any of those. So please, tell me. I know you’re still not ‘okay’ as you keep claiming to be. Just… Just tell me. I mean, you do know you can tell me everything, right? And I seriously mean everything, just anything you want to say is fine with me. I’ll listen and try to understand and I’ll try to help, with everything that I have.” Bucky told him sadly, wanting so badly to be able to help him. 

Steve was looking down softly sobbing. “Please, Steve.” “I just can’t tell you, okay?!” Steve yelled frustrated. He drove around Bucky as quickly as he could and drove away.

A girl was staring at Bucky. He noticed her. The girl softly smiled at him. “What the fuck are you smiling about?!” The girl’s smile dropped a bit. She walked over to him and patted his shoulder. “You’re a good friend, a very good friend. He’ll come around.” She told him smiling sadly. Without another word she walked away. 

Bucky had to let it sink in for a moment. Something hit his legs and he quickly turned around, ready to yell at whatever bumped into him. He looked down and saw Steve’s tearstained face. “I’m sorry, Buck.” He whispered. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad. You’re a great friend. And actually, my only friend…” “That’s not true.” Bucky told him sympathetically. “You have Dugan and Gabe and Jacque and Peg.” 

Steve chuckled a little. “Peg is my sister, so not a friend. Gabe and Jacque… I barely ever even see them, let alone speak to them. And Dugan… Dugan is nice, and caring, but that’s sort of it, you know. Or at least, for as far as I know…” 

“They’re still friends.” Bucky tried. Steve smiled a little at Bucky’s failed attempt to make him smile. Or actually, not failed. He opened his arms a little, gesturing for Bucky to sit down. Bucky sat down on his lap, softly. He wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, while Steve wrapped his own around Bucky’s waist. “You’re a great friend, Bucky.” Bucky smiled, leaning his head against Steve’s. “So are you, Steve. So are you.”

After a few minutes of just sitting there they finally backed off. Bucky stood up a little awkwardly. “So. Grocery shopping it is.” Steve laughed a little. “Do we even have time left for that?” Bucky looked at his watch. “It’s 2pm, they close at 9, should be enough.” He said, biting his lip softly. Steve blushed a little, staring at Bucky’s mouth, wanting so badly to kiss it softly, or harshly, or sweetly, or roughly, or filthily, or, or  _any other way_! He just wanted to kiss him so fucking badly. While biting his own lower lip, he drifted off in a daydream…

“Steve?” Bucky asked, when he noticed his staring. He chuckled a little. “Steve?” He tried again. He waved his hand in front of his face, but nothing happened. “Hey Steve!” He said loudly. Bucky tried ruffling the front of his hair, so nowhere near the wound, roughly. No response. He smirked a little as an idea popped up in his head. He sat down on Steve’s lap, wrapping his arms around his neck, and kissed his cheek. Steve turned his face in shock. 

“What the…?” Bucky giggled. “You spaced out on me, punk.” Steve blushed and giggled awkwardly. “Oops.” Bucky chuckled at him. “punk.” He repeated, ruffling his hair and getting up again. He went to the wheelchair’s handless and pushed Steve forward. “So. Let’s actually do some grocery shopping.”

They got everything they needed and went to pay for it. Steve had a big pile of potato chips, nuts, sausages and a few bottles of soda on his lap. They drove home chatting a little, discussing what they could do during the sleepover the next day.

When they got home they put everything in the refrigerator or the cabinets. After that Bucky made some pasta and they ate it together, while watching TV. The rest of the night went the same as all the others; they just cuddled up together and watched some TV until they’d get too tired and had to go to bed.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's gonna happen ;)

The next day they slept long. It was about 1pm when Steve woke up. Bucky was still asleep next to him. He turned a little, now fully facing him and watched him as he slept. He looked beautiful. Not the perfect hair, perfect face kind of beautiful though, no it was the hair everywhere and mouth open and slightly drooling kind of beautiful.

After about half an hour, Bucky woke up. He opened his eyes slowly and smiled when he saw Steve’s smiling features. “Hey.” He whispered. “Morning.” Steve said with a crooked smile. “Or, afternoon, I should say.” Bucky quickly turned around, looking at his clock. “Shit! It’s half past one!” He cursed. Steve chuckled at him. “No need to rush. The guests won’t be here till eight.” Steve told him with a little wink. Bucky shoved him a little. “Shut up, we’re fucking late man!” 

Steve yawned a little and crawled closer to him. “Oh baby, come on. Lie down, cuddle with me.” Steve pleaded, putting up a voice that was supposed to sound like an old British lady, but reminded him more of his sister who was _trying_ to sound British. Bucky sighed and let Steve pull him back down to the bed. Bucky opened his arms and let Steve crawl against him. He wrapped his arms around Steve tightly. He smirked a little as he tightened his arms around his best friend. Steve protested immediately. 

“Too tight. Too tight!” “But honey, I thought you wanted to cuddle?” Bucky asked innocently. Bucky tightened his grip a little more. “Bucky!” Steve exclaimed. “If you hug me any tighter I’ll die from lack of oxygen.” Bucky loosened his grip, but rolled over and was now on top of him. “This better?” He asked smirking. 

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Better? This is the best! We should stay like this forever!” Bucky smiled. “Okay.” He chimed before laying his head down on Steve’s chest and pretending to be asleep. Bucky wiggled a little. “Hmm. Steve, honey, you’re not that good of a pillow.” “Well in that case…!” Steve mumbled. He took a hold of Bucky and pushed him off, making him roll off the bed. 

Bucky groaned loudly. Steve crawled to the edge of the bed and looked at the ground giggling. “That better?” Bucky reached up and tried to hit Steve, but Steve ducked away. 

Steve was lying on the bed, laughing like crazy. Bucky stood up with a soft groan of pain. With his hands on his hips, he stood next to the bed, waiting for Steve to be done laughing. He couldn’t help but giggle softly at the cute sight of Steve rolling around the bed, laughing. 

When Steve was finally done, Bucky immediately grabbed him and brought him downstairs. “No breakfast for you, you mean piece of cuteness!” Steve stared at him, pouting. “B-but…! If I’m cute, doesn’t that mean I do deserve breakfast?” Bucky sighed fakely, giving in. “Okay then…!” 

 

When they had both eaten and gotten dressed properly, they went to get some air mattresses for the sleepover. After that they ordered pizza, for the third time that week, and just ate on the couch. When Bucky walked over to the kitchen to clean the dishes, the doorbell rang. 

Steve drove to the door and opened it. His wheelchair was in the way, so it took a while before it was actually open, but Peggy understood. Not long after Peggy had arrived, the other guests came in too. They chatted a bit and ate a bit, mixed up drinks and watched some tv. 

“Let’s play truth or dare!” Peggy said when another film had ended. The guys were fine with it, but Steve and Bucky weren’t so sure. “Oh come on! It’ll be fun!” she assured them. They all sat down on the ground in a circle. “Bucky, truth or dare?” She started. Bucky sighed as his fear just came true. He considered which one of them would be worse and decided to go with truth. 

“Do you, Bucky, love Steve?” She asked. Bucky breathed deeply to relax himself. “Yes of course. He’s my best friend.” Peggy sighed. “I didn’t mean that kind of-” “Yeah yeah, okay, I answered your question. My turn! Gabe, truth or dare?” He quickly went on. 

“Truth.” “Are you in love with anyone, if yes who?” He protested. “Only one question!” Bucky sighed. “Okay… Are you in love with a girl?” “No.” Gabe said. “Then what was the fuss about?” Montgomery asked him, not understanding. Gabe sighed. “Never mind.” 

Gabe thought for a while. “Montgomery, truth or dare?” “Truth.” “Are you in love with anyone…” He paused for a second. “…in this room?” Montgomery got a colour. “Y-yes…” Gabe smiled. “Steve, truth or dare?” Montgomery went on. “Truth.” Peggy punched his arm. “Pussy!” Steve stuck his tongue out at her. “Are you in love with a girl?” Montgomery asked. Steve looked down. “No.” The guys looked weirdly at him, but shrugged it off. Peggy and Bucky knew better though. 

“Peg, truth or dare?” Steve asked after a short silence. “Dare.” She smirked. Steve smirked too. “Sing us a song.” “What?! No! I can’t sing!” she exclaimed. Steve smirked. “A dare is a dare.” Peggy sighed and started to sing. Everybody stared at her, making her very nervous. Halfway through the song she stopped. “Stop staring at me like that!” Steve laughed. “Can’t stand it, sis?” Peggy huffed, but smirked as she realised something; it was her turn. 

“Bucky, truth or dare?” Bucky really didn’t want to answer the question he knew she would ask him if he’d take truth. He sighed. “Dare…” Peggy’s smirk widened and she laughed evilly. “Kiss Steve.” Both men looked up in shock. Steve punched her arm over and over again, making sure not to actually hurt her along the way, and Bucky just stared at her. 

“You heard me.” “Did I say dare? I meant truth!” “No no no, Bucky. You heard me.” She said impatient. “A dare is a dare.” She added with a wink. Bucky groaned and hit her, but crawled over to Steve anyway. He kissed his cheek and sat back. “Excuse me? Did I say ‘feel Steve’s cheek with your lips for a brief moment?’ Bucky? Anyone?” Bucky sighed. “Peg…” “I said kiss. On the mouth.” She half growled. Bucky looked at her with pleading eyes, but she just simply smirked. 

Bucky crawled back over to him again and sat down, staring into Steve’s eyes. “Kiss. Properly. With tongue.” Both boys snapped their heads towards her. “WHAT?!” Again, Peggy just laughed evilly and looked at them awaiting. Bucky slowly got closer to him and looked him in the eyes. 

After a second of eye contact, both boys had lost their thoughts. Bucky leant in and closed his eyes, pressing their lips together. Steve kissed him back softly. “With to-” Dugan started, but Peggy shushed him. Their lips moved together slowly as the two young men felt what is was like to feel the other’s lips against their own. This time without one of them being high.

Bucky brought a hand up and cupped his face. Steve did the same and pulled him closer to his lips. The kiss slowly deepened and Bucky moved his hand to Steve’s hair. 

Steve groaned in pain. “Sorry.” Bucky quickly mumbled against his lips. “Hmhm.” Steve answered, not caring.

Bucky leant back the slightest bit. “No. Really, I’m sorry.” Steve pulled him closer to his lips again and murmured “Just- Just kiss me.” Steve took a shaky breath, afraid Bucky would realise he _really_ just wanted to kiss him. He breathed out relieved when Bucky did as told and moved his hand from Steve’s hair, to his neck. 

Bucky shakily licked Steve’s lips. He gasped a little; he didn’t expect him to actually go this far. The gasp gave Bucky access, which he gladly took. Slowly he moved his tongue inside of Steve’s mouth. Both tongues played a little game together, that both men enjoyed more than they wanted to admit. 

After a few minutes Bucky pulled back. He quickly sat back down on his place and looked at his hands. He wanted to kiss Steve again and again. _It felt amazing._ Steve was looking down as well. A single tear slowly rolled down his face. Not that anyone noticed. 

  
“Gabe, truth or dare?” Bucky quickly went on. “Truth.” He instantly said, not wanting to get told to kiss someone he didn't want to. “Are you in love with a man?” Gabe looked down. “Y-yes.” “Gabe, you’re gay?!” Steve asked surprised. “Gabe is gay!” Bucky exclaimed chuckling a little. Gabe kept staring down at his lap. 

“Oh my god! I didn’t know!” Steve said and hugged him sideways. Gabe looked up and smiled. “Thanks.” “For what?” “Accepting it.” “Why wouldn’t I?” Steve asked not getting it. “I would be quite a hypocrite if I didn’t.” He laughed. Everybody looked at him. “You?” Dugan asked. Steve immediately stopped laughing and blushed. “Uhh, yeah…” Dugan shrugged. “Okay.” Was all he said. “Okay…” Steve said as well.

Gabe decided to ask Montgomery, because he had been awfully silent the whole time. “Montgomery, truth or dare?” “Dare.” He said smiling. “Kiss the one person in this room you mostly want to kiss.” Gabe said. He was about to sit back, but he got stopped when Montgomery grabbed his face and kissed him. 

Gabe was surprised, but kissed back anyway. Actually, he smiled into the kiss. They kissed for a while, until Montgomery pulled back, murmuring a “sorry.” Gabe made him look at him. “Don’t be.” He said, pecking his lips. Montgomery smiled and hugged him tightly. Montgomery leant back a little and stared into his eyes. “Gabe? Truth or dare?” “Truth.” “Do you want to be my boyfriend?” “Yes.” He said happily. They leant towards each other and reconnected their lips in a sweet kiss. They both beamed after it. Peggy applauded loudly. “Yay!” She exclaimed.

The game went on, like nothing had happened. Steve and Bucky had to kiss again one time, but that was just a sweet peck. Which was pretty damn hard for both of them, because they both really wanted to just kiss each other, without stopping. After a while they all went to bed on the floor. Montgomery was in Gabe’s arms and Steve was close to Bucky. 

The next morning Montgomery and Dugan had to go early; they both had to go to music class. Gabe left a few moments later, because his mom wanted him home, and then the only ones there were Steve, Bucky and Peg. “So…! I think I’m gonna get going too!” She said happily. “I had a blast! We should do this more often!” Steve drove over to her and looked at her with pleading eyes. “Don’t go. Don’t go. Please!” Peggy smirked. “It will be so awkward…” Steve whispered desperately. Peggy laughed and ruffled his hair. “I’m sorry Stevie, I gotta go!” Steve sighed. “Okay…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a cheesy cliche but I just needed this to happen okay
> 
> Side note, something went wrong last night and it uploaded the same chapter like three times and I think I fixed it but I'm not entirely sure. This chapter is supposed to be chapter 16 and nothing else. :) 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed!
> 
>  
> 
> Ps @yvngpook sorry it's not up against a wall..!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short but happy chapter :)

When the door closed Steve just stared out of the little window. Minutes passed that he just stared outside. “Steve, are you okay?” Bucky asked, stopping in the doorway. Steve sighed. “Yeah, just daydreaming.” “Kay.” Bucky answered, looking at the boy. Steve kept staring outside and Bucky kept staring at Steve, until Steve turned around. He cocked an eyebrow at Bucky. Bucky awkwardly laughed and looked down. 

He didn’t say a word, just walked over to the couch. Steve drove after him. “What were you doing?” Bucky mentally face palmed. “Just daydreaming.” He answered non-gallantly. Steve threw himself out of his wheelchair and onto the couch. He readjusted himself and looked at Bucky.

“While staring at me?” “Well… no… I was just staring at a random spot…” Bucky said hesitatingly. _He really didn’t want to lie to Steve, but he just couldn’t admit his secret. Especially now they had kissed. Which felt amazing by the way._

“Right…” Steve pulled on his arm. “Weren’t you staring at me because you know I’m so extremely beautiful and amazing and you just wanna kiss me over and over again?” Steve teased. 

Secretly he thought that about Bucky himself and wanted to do just that with Bucky, but of course he couldn’t admit that..! 

Bucky blushed crimson. _Can he read my thoughts or something? Steve, can you read my thoughts? If you can then… then kiss me_. Steve cocked an eyebrow at him. Not for the reason Bucky thought though. “Were you?” Steve asked now suddenly serious.

Bucky shook his head a little. “N-no! Of course not!” He said laughing awkwardly. Steve stared at him. “Then why are you blushing?” Bucky stood up. “I’m not.” He quickly said. He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed something to drink. 

He walked back after relaxing a bit and grabbed all their rented, now empty, air mattresses. “We have to bring these back, do you wanna stay here or are you coming with me?” He asked as an excuse to not continue their former conversation.

Steve shrugged a little. “I didn’t really sleep last night, so I’d rather stay here.” Bucky nodded, “Okay.” He walked over to him and picked him up. “I can sleep on the couch.” Steve told him, not wanting him to have to carry him, plus he didn’t want things to get awkward. He couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. He hated himself so much for saying “Just- just kiss me”. He knew, or at least thought he knew, that Bucky now knew about his feelings for him. 

He was surprised Bucky hadn’t kicked him out yet. 

Bucky had ignored what Steve had said and took him upstairs to lay him down on their bed. He pulled the sheet over him and smiled at him. “Sleep well.” Bucky leant down and kissed his head. Steve looked questioning at him, making him blush. 

“I-I’ll be r-right back.” Bucky stuttered. He closed the door behind himself and softly cursed. “What the fuck did I just do…?!” He muttered while walking down the stairs.

He took the air mattresses and his wallet with him and stepped into his car. He drove over to the rental place and brought the air mattresses back, before driving over to some stores. He got himself something to eat and then he walked around the stores, looking for a nice one. 

After a while of walking he found a new store, which had just gotten in there. He walked inside and saw hundreds of different shirts. He smiled brightly. “Yay.” He whispered to himself. He got a few shirts for himself and a few for Steve. They didn’t exactly have the same size, but he knew Steve loved to wear his oversized shirts, so Steve could wear his shirts too, so that was extra good.The sale was ‘buy 3, get 50% off’ so he bought 6, and got 3 shirts for free.

 

After that he went back home again. He walked right up the stairs, wanting to immediately show Steve their new shirts. When he opened the door he noticed Steve was still sleeping though. He smiled at the sight; Steve looked so peaceful, with that tiny smile on his lips and his breathing slow and steady. Bucky put down the bag, careful not to make much noise. After that he took off his shoes and shirt and crawled under the sheets with Steve. He hadn’t gotten that much sleep either, so he decided to take a little nap as well. 

Steve seemed to have noticed someone crawling into bed with him, cause he crawled up to Bucky and snuggled his head on his shoulder. Bucky wrapped an arm around him, smiling sweetly at him. He soon fell into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the idea of Bucky softly whispering "yay" to himself when he's happy or excited
> 
> Also, I know the shirt thing is weird but I just wanted a happy moment in the next chapter okay, this is leading up to it. (This is me admitting I'm not a good enough writer to think of a proper scene, sorry! haha)


	18. Chapter 18

When he woke up he could feel someone’s breath on his face. He also felt one arm hugging his waist and one arm hugging his own arm. He opened his eyes slowly, and gasped a little. _Their faces were so close._ “Holy crap!” Bucky whispered. 

Steve groaned a little and opened his eyes. He too, gasped when he noticed how little space there was between them. There was about an inch between them. Their eyes locked and both men blushed. “Hi.” Steve whispered. “Didn’t know you had gotten back already.” 

Bucky giggled softly. “Not _already_ actually, we’re hours further. I’ve slept about an hour and a half as well.” Bucky whispered back. Steve quickly turned around to look at the clock and saw it was 4 o’clock. 

He gasped and quickly turned around, totally forgetting how close their faces would get again. Again their eyes locked and they just stared at each other. “I didn’t realise” Steve whispered. “What?” Bucky asked, totally forgetting the conversation they were having. 

“The time.” Steve giggled. “Oh…” Bucky giggled awkwardly. He wanted so badly to just lean that last inch forward and connect their lips and just kiss him without ever having to stop. Steve closed his eyes, smiling a little, awaking Bucky from the daydream he no longer saw in Steve’s eyes. 

He got reminded of the shirts he had bought and smiled brightly. He tried to get up, but was stuck because Steve’s arm was still holding his own arm tightly. Bucky coughed a little. “Steve..? Could I maybe have my arm back?” Steve opened his eyes and blushed when he noticed how he was holding Bucky. He quickly let go. 

“I didn’t realise…” He whispered. Bucky giggled. “I figured.” He got up and grabbed the bag of shirts from the floor. He put it down at the end of the bed and got the first one out. 

“Look what I bought!” He chimed. He held up the first shirt. “Sweet!” Steve exclaimed. Bucky threw it over to him. “There you go.” Steve picked up the shirt and examined it again. “Wait…” He said suddenly realising. “What?” He asked. Bucky shrugged. “There you go. It’s yours.” Steve stared into his eyes not believing him. “Really?” “Yes, really.” Bucky assured him. Steve smiled brightly, before hugging his new shirt. 

“And what about this one?” Bucky asked as he held up another one. “Oh my god, that one’s so awesome!” Bucky smiled about the fact that Steve was so excited about getting new clothes. He nodded. “yeah I know right?” Steve nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, but that one is for yourself right.” Steve added, unsure if it was since it looked way too small for Bucky.

Bucky shrugged. “I bought another one that looks very similar to it, so I don’t mind.” He said, before throwing the shirt in Steve’s face. 

Steve laughed and took the shirt off his head. “Thanks man!” He said truly smiling a huge smile for the first time in a long, long time. 

Bucky held up another shirt. “I thought you’d like this one too.” He said with a smirk. “Oh my god! You’re not serious!” Steve exclaimed. Bucky smirked. “Oh but I am.” He said, while throwing this shirt at him as well. “Please tell me you got something for yourself as well.” Bucky chuckled. “I did.” He held up another shirt. “Awesome!” Steve told him. He also showed the other two which Steve both thought were badass. He wanted to laugh at Bucky, because the shirt he bought in his own size that was ‘similar’ was actually exactly the same shirt.

“I know you sometimes like to wear oversized shirts, so if you want to wear them, you obviously can.” Bucky told Steve smiling. Steve laughed a little. “You know that..?” asked surprised and feeling his heart warm at the same time. 

“Yeah well, I’m your best friend…” Bucky replied with a shrug. “No shit!” Steve teased. “No sheet.” Bucky teased back, pulling away his sheets. “Ahh cold!” Steve whined. Bucky smirked and crawled onto the bed and on top of Steve. “This better?” He asked. 

Steve pushed him away, but unlike that morning, he pushed him to the other side of the bed. “That hurts!” He whined, jokingly. It actually really hurt, but he didn’t want to admit that. Bucky knew better though. He crawled back to Steve and hugged him softly. 

“Sorry, man. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Where did it hurt?” He asked softly. “Just my chest and legs.” “Just chest and legs?! Just?! That’s horrible man! I’m so sorry..!” Steve hit him. “Shut up.” Bucky leant down a little and kissed Steve’s chest. “I hope that makes it better.” Steve wanted to say that kissing him somewhere else would help much better, but he decided not to. He slowly nodded. “It’s okay.” 

Bucky lay down next to him. It was silent for a long time. “We have to get up…” Bucky groaned. “Ugh…” Steve protested. Bucky shoved him a little. “Punk.” He said as he thought how much he actually loved Steve. It blew him away a little to be honest.

Steve pushed him away mockingly, but quickly grasped his arm as Bucky nearly fell out of the bed. He pulled a little too hard and now they were lying completely pressed up against each other. They looked at each other and both got a flashback of their loving kiss from the day before. 

They both just stared at each other, getting lost in the other’s eyes. But after a few moments, instead of leaning in and just kissing each other, they realised how close they were and quickly moved away from each other, laughing awkwardly. They both lay on the other side of the bed, staring up at the ceiling and daydreaming about what happened the other day. Bucky’s hand slowly slit off of his stomach and fell on the bed, right on Steve’s hand. 

Without thinking their fingers laced together. An awkward silence following. They both blushed madly while they stared up at the ceiling and stole glances of the other or their laced fingers, every now and then.

After a few minutes Bucky pulled away and stood up. Steve looked at him questioning. “I gotta pee.” Bucky explained. Steve nodded and lay back down. He groaned when he realised he actually had to pee too. 

Steve wasn’t really paying attention anymore and got surprised when he felt Bucky’s arms around him. He looked up at his face. Bucky was looking forward but noticed anyway. “I figured you had to go too.” He said with a slight chuckle. He placed Steve in the restroom and looked at him firmly. “Can you do this?” Steve nodded. “Yeah sure, I’ll just sit down.” Bucky nodded and disappeared. He went to the bathroom and used the toilet in there. 

He looked at the open tiles. _I left Steve all alone… I let him down…! He fell… He was bleeding…. They had to fucking stitch him! Because of me!_ Bucky was working himself up and started to feel a little hate against himself. He groaned as he awakened from his angry daydream. He cursed a little while he walked out of the bathroom. 

Steve was sitting on the ground next to the door and looked up questioning. “What’s up?” He asked. Bucky sighed heavily. “Nothing…” He shuffled away looking down and trying to control himself. 

Steve coughed a little. “Uhm Buck… I can’t get up…” Bucky turned around and blushed a little. “Sorry, got my head somewhere else…” He mumbled. He walked over and picked Steve up, trying hard not to look at him, which didn’t really work out well, because he had to see where he had to put his hands. 

He picked him up and went back to their room to lay him down on the bed. He sat down next to him and sighed. “What’s up, Buck?” Bucky shrugged and again told Steve that it was “nothing.” Steve sat up and looked at Bucky with a sigh. “Bucky. What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” He repeated a little annoyed. Steve leant against him. “I know it’s not ‘nothing’, Buck.” 

Bucky sighed heavily. “It’s just… I-I left you alone… I didn’t think… I didn’t pay attention… a-and then you slipped! You fucking slipped! And your head was bleeding! And you didn’t say anything! And you were getting pale! And you- you-” Bucky started to yell, totally freaking out. 

Steve took Bucky’s face in his hands and looked at him sadly. Bucky fell silent as soon as their eyes made contact. “It’s okay, Buck. You had to get dressed. I had to get dressed. I slipped, okay.” He told him softly. Bucky’s face got paler when he heard it come from Steve’s mouth. “ _You slipped_.” He repeated. Steve sighed sadly. “It’s not your fault, Buck.” Bucky closed his eyes as new tears formed in them. “It is…” Steve hugged Bucky tightly, not saying anything. Bucky sobbed a little, making Steve back off again. “It is _not_ your fault.” He told his best friend firmly. Bucky sighed again, to relax himself, and hugged his friend again. “Thank you, Steve.”

The rest of the day they watched some TV, but not cuddled up together like they used to. At first Steve had crawled over to Bucky and snuggled up to him, but when they looked at each other and both got another flashback of their passionate kiss, they both backed off, blushing madly. 

After a few hours Bucky made them a salad, which Steve really liked so he thanked him for it, just like he did every day. Bucky smiled at him. “For you always, punk.” After a few films they had gotten tired again and decided to go upstairs and get to bed.

Bucky had closed his eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep with his hands behind his head. Steve looked at Bucky, trying to figure out whether he should cuddle up to him or not. After a few seconds of thinking he shrugged. He crawled over to Bucky and snuggled up to him. One of Bucky’s arms found its way around Steve, holding him close to his chest, making Steve smile before he drifted off into a deep sleep as well.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is; the final chapter! I hope you enjoy it! Xx

The next morning Bucky woke up with Steve still snuggled up to him. He smiled down and softly kissed his head. Steve looked up at him, with a questioning look in his eyes. Bucky didn’t know Steve was already awake. He blushed a quite deep shade of red and quickly looked up at the ceiling. 

Steve chuckled at him and leant up to kiss his chin, but Bucky looked down from Steve’s chuckle, ready to ask what was so funny, making Steve kiss his lips. Bucky sort of automatically kissed back, but both man moved away in shock as soon as they realised what was happening. They both looked away blushing, and awkwardly stayed silent. 

After a few minutes Bucky got up and took Steve in his arms without saying anything and without looking at him. The tension thickened as Steve was in his arms staring up at him, neither one of them saying a word. Bucky walked downstairs and sat Steve on the couch. 

He disappeared into the kitchen and came back a few minutes later with breakfast. They ate in silence. Every now and then they would glance at each other. Sometimes they glanced at each other at the same time, and their eyes would lock. Both men would laugh awkwardly and quickly look away while blushing. 

Steve turned on the TV in a desperate attempt to forget about the awkwardness, and mostly to forget about to urge he felt inside. _The urge to grab Bucky’s face and kiss his lips, the urge to tell Bucky how much he loves him._ Bucky looked at Steve, while Steve looked at the TV. Bucky stared at him for a long time, until Steve noticed. 

“What are you doing?” He asked playfully. “N-nothing!” “Nothing? Oh just like yesterday!” Steve stated, loosening up a little. Bucky nodded a little, looking down. Steve made him look up by his chin. “What were you thinking about?” He asked with a raised eyebrow and a crooked smirk. 

Bucky smirked a little, getting an idea. “Well, I was just thinking how I would do that thing we talked about in court.” He said with a wink, while pulling Steve closer. He moved his knuckles over his head as he laughed evilly. “And I totally have a plan on how I’m going to make out with you.” Steve hoisted himself up and sat on his lap, his legs on either side of Bucky’s. “Oh really? And how will that plan go?” Steve asked, getting closer to Bucky’s face. 

Bucky blushed at first, but smirked as adrenaline took over his body. He took Steve by his hips and laid him on the couch next to him. “Well first, I would lay you on the bed and pin your arms up.” He started. Steve let Bucky do what he said. “Then, I would take off your shirt.” Bucky did as told. “Then I would pin your hands above your head, to one of the spines.” He held Steve’s hands together and laid them above his head, the way he wanted them. 

“Then…” He continued, caressing Steve’s chest slowly. “I would kiss your chest.” Bucky leant down and kissed Steve’s chest slowly and affectionately, while slowly running his hands over the rest of his chest. Steve let Bucky do everything, being completely hypnotised by the man’s hands and voice. 

“To make you think I’m sweet.” Bucky said when he backed off. Steve chuckled. “Very good, Bucky, ‘make you think’ because you’re not.” Bucky in a heartbeat leaned up and lowered himself above Steve’s face. “You know I’m not.” He smirked. Steve blushed madly in an instant and he was about to just grab Bucky’s face and kiss him, but then Bucky leant back again and drew lines over Steve’s chest with one finger. 

Steve’s breathing started to get heavier from the tension he was in. “Then… I would take off your belt just in case this make-out session would lead to anything more” Bucky slowly undid Steve’s belt. He put a hand underneath Steve’s butt and pushed it up, to be able to take his belt off properly. 

Steve’s chest was heaving and falling uncontrollably fast by now. Bucky pulled out his belt and dropped it on the ground. “Then I would lick your chest.” He said making eye contact and leaning down, licking his chest slowly. He licked from right above Steve’s belly button up to his neck. Steve’s facial expression was priceless.

“Then I would…” Bucky opened his mouth again and softly bit on a patch of skin in Steve’s neck. Steve’s breathing stopped for a moment and he softly moaned. “…bite your neck.” Bucky explained. “I would lick you some more…” He went on, and did as told. 

Steve moaned softly as Bucky licked his soft spot. Bucky smirked. “I would suck on your neck.” He said, already half doing so. He sucked gently and licked it every now and then, while still caressing his chest. Steve moaned softly over and over again, but with his mouth closed, because he didn’t want Bucky to hear him. He did though. Oh how he did hear him and how he absolutely loved it. Bucky sucked until a very satisfying moan, with a very specific name, left Steve’s now open mouth. He kissed the spot, which was now a bruise, softly. 

Bucky lay down more properly on top of Steve and kissed his way over to his jawline. “And then I would…” He whispered between kisses, while working his way over Steve’s cheek. He pushed himself up a little and looked into Steve’s eyes. “Then I would…” He lowered himself again, stopping just millimetres above his lips. “Kiss you.” He whispered so softly Steve could barely hear it, before softly connecting their lips. 

Steve breathed out relieved and kissed him back. He brought his hands to Bucky’s face and buried one of them in his hair. Bucky cupped Steve’s face with one hand, while he laid his other hand over Steve’s. 

Steve took a hold of Bucky’s hair and softly pulled his face back. “And then there would be a lot of making out.” He said giggling. “A lot.” Bucky cocked an eyebrow. “Oh really?” “Yes. Really. Because, Bucky, we _should_.” Steve leant up and kissed his lips again. Bucky leant down, deepening the kiss. Steve’s hands held his face and pulled him closer and closer, even though that wasn’t possible. 

A tear slipped out of Bucky’s eye, and fell onto Steve’s face. Steve opened his eyes and leant back a little, and so did Bucky. “What’s that?” Steve asked. “Is Mr. Tough guy crying?” Bucky closed his eyes, making more tears fall out of them. “I’m just happy… that you kissed back… I mean… you probably don’t feel anything for me, and I bet you’ll hate me in a few moments, but at least I got to kiss you…” Bucky said, sitting up. 

Steve got up too and pushed Bucky onto the bottom of the couch on the other side of it, kissing him. “Not only did you just get to kiss me once; you’ll also _always_ be able to kiss me. Whenever, whatever, however.” Steve smiled to him. “W-will you be mine, Buck?” 

Bucky nodded fantically, more tears leaving his eyes. “Yes, Steve. Yes!” Steve giggled and reconnected their lips. When they broke the kiss Steve lay down on his chest, listening to his heart. Bucky’s arms snaked around him and held him tightly. They both sighed happily. “Finally.” Steve whispered. Bucky looked down and giggled, understanding exactly what he meant. He kissed his head and closed his eyes. _Finally_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry darling, I couldn't fit in a wall kiss! Maybe in another story is you're interested! Xx


End file.
